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On Fitness Richard Seven

To Tell The Truth

Be careful what you ask for

READERS ASK me fitness questions all the time, but I never really answered them in my periodic "Ask R7" column. I just relayed answers that came from the experts I chased down. The problem with real experts is that they can be a bit haughty. They treat some of your questions as too . . . well . . . let's just say too unworthy of their time. And to be honest, I don't blame them.

Yet, Catholic guilt won't let me spike the lamest of leftover questions. So in the spirit of spring cleaning, here goes, just you and me:

Q: I've got a class reunion in two weeks. What's the quickest way to get bikini-fit?

A: Get a bigger bikini.

Q: I've seen those ab-crunching devices advertised on TV. They say I can get flat, sexy abs by using the product just a couple minutes a day, and I can do it as I sit on my couch and watch TV! Because of the TV special offer, it costs just half of what it normally does! What do you think?

A: I think you would not need an ab-cruncher if you didn't watch so much TV.

Q: Why do so many exercise machines, nutrition supplements and workout programs start or end with "X"? They sound so cool. Is the X for like X-treme and X-cellent or the X-factor? I'm a bit suspicious, though. I think it might be hype.

A: X-actly.

Q: I'm pressed for time. What do you think of the 4-minute workout?

A: If you're in that big a hurry, the 2-minute workout would be twice as good.

Q: You say we should try to get 30 minutes of daily activity and that we can break that down into three periods of 10 minutes each if we need to. Can I do 10 three-minute bouts?

A: If you must be like this, why not do six 4-minute workouts and three 2-minute workouts?

Q: I am addicted to running! I run 80 miles a week! But my feet, knees and hips are hurting. Still, I keep going because I so love it. Any general idea what the problem might be?

A: Addiction.

Q: Czech supermodel Petra Nemcova admitted she ingested a fistful of laxative pills to make weight and her 0 dress size. She regrets it, and it doesn't sound very healthy. But it seemed to work for her, so should I try it?

A: This is a classic risk-reward equation. Chances are great you will damage your body or do worse. Chances are even greater you will never look like her, even by poisoning yourself. So I'd say no.

Q: You're always going on about how six-pack abs really aren't the most important part of the core. You encourage us to work the transversus abdominis, which nobody can even see. But that's because you're married. I'm a single guy, and women dig washboard abs. Just look at the magazine covers! I want abs that pop, but it's not happening. What should I do?

A: Three options: Grow up. Buy a red sports car. Keep your shirt on.

Q: I like my body, except for my thighs. Can I "spot reduce" them.

A: You can spot reduce them through consistent cardiovascular exercise, smart weight training and proper nutrition. I must warn you, however, that your other spots will get reduced, too. I hope that's OK.

Q: I'm looking for a personal trainer, but I don't know what to make of all those certifications that they brag about. Seems to me I should get a trainer who services celebrities, like the ones who sculpt Madonna and Diddy.

A: If you're going down that road, be sure to get the package that comes with private chefs, perfect lighting and cosmetic surgery.

Q: Why do you never write about weight loss when that's all anyone seems to care about?

A: To be honest, it's because I'm genetically thin. Unlike most genetically thin folks sharing their "weight-loss secrets," I just admit I had little to do with it. I tell people to eat less and better and move more, and they think I'm being a skinny smart aleck.

Q: Doesn't anyone around here care about functional fitness instead of all this cosmetic crap???

A: I confess, that was my own question. And I believe the answer is no.

Q: You watch a lot of fitness videos. How do you decide which ones to not write about?

A: I look for sincerity. I eliminate all those in which the perky instructor tells me I'm doing grrrrreat as I sit on my couch.

Q: It seems like all the other fitness magazines use lists, like the 6 Best Ways to Get Hot! Why do they do this?

A: 1.) Fewer words to write. 2) Fewer words to edit. 3) Fewer words to read. 4.) When it's part of a list, "eat well" seems an inside tip you never thought of before.

Richard Seven is a Pacific Northwest magazine staff writer. He can be reached at rseven@seattletimes.com. Kris Lee is a Seattle Times news artist.

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