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Mind Your Manners

On a garden tour, don't pick, pinch, wander or snoop

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ILLUSTRATED BY SUSAN JOUFLAS

GARDEN-TOUR SEASON kicks off soon, and many of us are busy planning our competitive sport for the coming months. Make no mistake: Rarely does a gardener check out anyone else's efforts without admiring or disparaging, but mostly comparing. Sometimes we find comfort — our plants are better than theirs! More often we end up green as grass with envy. Which is all great fun, but we must remember we're playing in someone's beloved domain. Good etiquette is a must if we want fellow gardeners to continue to invite us in.

Usually it's a pleasure to have people tour my garden. Visitors are rarely patronizing when I forget plant names, and on one hot June day after hundreds of people left the garden I was impressed there wasn't a single plant broken or piece of trash left behind. One time a guest did exclaim, in ringing tones, that my dogwood was diseased. Besides the embarrassment of it, I never again felt quite so nonchalant about those slightly browned leaves.

My worst experience was when I actually had to order a woman out of my garden. She'd pinched a pod off a rare perennial I'd been cosseting. But as gardeners are generally a rule-abiding lot, she should have known people would rush over to tell me what they'd seen. She was so unrepentant when I confronted her that I made her give the pod back before I escorted her to her car.

Pacific Horticulture magazine editor and tour leader Dick Turner agrees that poaching is not a compliment. "The rule that is truly sacrosanct for me is not picking any flowers or taking cuttings without asking the garden owner," he says.

Seasoned tour leaders suggest you consider your companions as well as garden owners.

"One irksome habit of garden visitors is to stand in the middle of the garden and chat for seemingly hours while others are trying to enjoy the garden and, perhaps, photograph it," says Turner. Photography is a touchy subject. It's a garden owner's right to refuse to allow a garden to be photographed, and many do. Always ask first before taking out your camera. Leave the tripod at home, and accept the fact this isn't a photo shoot; any photos taken are only for your own use.

And here's another unbreakable rule: Never ask to use the garden owner's restroom. Gillian Mathews, who leads tours for the Northwest Horticultural Society, says there's always one person who wants to see the inside of the house. "Of course some homeowners are great and offer their bathrooms, which is very generous. I hate to see someone abuse that offer by taking this as an invitation to check out the house."

Mathews, who calls herself a herder rather than a leader, asks her charges to limit their questions so everyone gets a chance to chat with the garden owner. Also, stick to the paths, never touch the plants, and remember to thank the host or hostess.

Nan Sinton of Horticulture magazine shepherds gardeners around the world. Here are her basic points of etiquette:

• Wait to start exploring until your host has greeted you, and if he or she suggests a preferred route around the garden, follow it.

• Never step into a flower bed or break off a plant, whether for identification, to read a label or to get a picture. And of course never "weed" or take cuttings or seeds.

• Plan to bring a notebook; it helps to write down plant names and the answers to your questions.

• Wear muted colors so you blend into the background.

Sinton's last point reminds me of a story about Turner's predecessor at Pacific Horticulture. Years ago, George Waters wrote in an editorial that neutral colors should be worn when touring gardens so as not to mess up anyone's photographs. He received more letters in response, most negative and some irate, than to just about anything else he ever wrote. You can remind gardeners of their manners, but never, ever, tell them what to wear.

Valerie Easton is a Seattle freelance writer. Her e-mail address is valeaston@comcast.net. Susan Jouflas is The Seattle Times' assistant art director.