Gym Etiquette, The People Speak

About hogs, slobs and gabbers, oh my!

MY COLUMN ABOUT gym etiquette of a few months ago struck a nerve, a long-suffering one. It seems bad behavior is all around the gym — and is bad enough to generate willing tattlers.

Gabbing on a cell phone — shouldn't you save that for when you are being a traffic hazard? — was an obvious "favorite" among complainers. So was being stinky, whether it be from perspiration or perfume. Leaving your sweat on the machines does not go unnoticed, and please, please stop hogging the $%#&@* machine! I was surprised to hear, from women especially, how many locker-room nudists prance about. Bad hygiene, kids, spitters and such also rated high on the irritant meter.

Here are some sample responses — heavily edited, because some of you really got going, and I want bad behavior to dissipate, not build to a brawl. In that same spirit, I'm withholding names of the offenders, finkers and clubs.

So now let's try to get along, people. Give those around you some thought, and some slack, if possible.

"There is a woman at my gym who appears to be a borderline nudist, she does her hair and makeup completely nude, saving getting dressed for last. I will walk in the locker room sometimes and there she is, bent over the counter doing her mascara. But she is not the worst offender at our gym. That award goes to whoever left the rolled up maxi pad atop the shower divider."

"She had taken the entire bench with her Adidas bag and fake designer purse. Wait, and she had moved my watch, shampoo, etc., to steal my towel! Her jeans were flung in front of the stairs, making one have to walk over them. One could not walk between the benches due to her junk."

"Anyone who does anything in a hot tub other than soak. What kind of a dimwit thinks it's all right to whip out the loofah and scrub off in there? And how is it they manage to not see all the signs directing them to shower after using the sauna and before entering the hot tub or the pool? Ew!"

"Sweaty machines and equipment. Yech!"

"Unwashed gym clothes that reek and the opposite, excessive perfume/cologne. Gag."

"Spitters. There are men who customarily spit on the indoor track and tennis courts. Uncouth."

"Channel turners. There are several televisions throughout the gym. Most people will ask around before switching the channel, but there are a few repeat offenders who behave as if the TV is in their own living room. They never bother to ask anyone, as if nobody else is in the gym.''

"People who have to breathe excessively heavily while exhaling loudly in addition to making all sorts of contorted faces. The other thing is the ones that have to drop their weights (yes, we know how you're so strong) to the floor with a loud crash."

"Leaving your weights on the machines — for example, a row of 45-pound weights on both sides of the leg press."

"Not washing your hands after using the bathroom. Or coming to the gym clearly ill and touching machines and weights with your mucus-covered, germy hands, coughing with your mouth uncovered."

"Folks who just sit on a machine while they chat. Every gym has places to chat, folks. Makes my blood pressure rise, since, like most of us, I'm almost always on a tight schedule when I exercise."

"This is a gripe with management, not with other gym members. Why does the music have to be so loud? I am not deaf, but I soon will be."

"Leaving used Kleenexes anywhere but the trash can. Not throwing away water bottles. Group training monopolizing equipment and ear space. Individuals hoarding dumbbells . . . Loud singing with headphones on. Even worse, bad dancing with headphones on."

"People who bring their children into the sauna after swimming to dry them off — all three of them! You are supposed to be over 6 years old to enter, so please do not let your 4-year-old spit all over the rocks."

"I belong to one of downtown Seattle's high-end gyms, so you would think the higher dues would screen out bad behavior. But no. When showering, men frequently do the thing where they audibly inhale through their noses to gather as much mucous as possible, move the mucous to the tongue and spit this bodily fluid into the shower stall."

"At 6 a.m., the unsupervised pool had swimmers in every lane. I waited until the fellow reached the other end of the lane and began swimming on the right of the lane. This is pool etiquette. So as the guy passes me in the opposite direction he grabs my ankle and says, 'This is my lane.' "

"Yesterday, while on the elliptical trainer, I listened to a woman talk on her cell phone for 30 minutes about the party she went to last night and the huge crush she had on Jeff, who she met at the party."

Richard Seven is a Pacific Northwest magazine staff writer. He can be reached at rseven@seattletimes.com. Paul Schmid is a Seattle Times news artist.