Time for Sen. McCain to support ending the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy

ALMOST 70 years ago, Johnny McCain and Beth Coye, ages 5 and 4, played together on the sands of the Panama Canal Zone. Their mothers, Roberta and Betty, were part of the Navy's submarine family and no doubt were discussing the possibility of their husbands going off to war as the children frolicked in the sands.

The children's fathers achieved exceptional records and became famous admirals. Johnny and Beth graduated from prestigious institutions, the U.S. Naval Academy and Wellesley College. Both distinguished themselves as career naval officers in the 1960s and '70s.

Today, they are leaders on opposite sides of the debate over repealing "don't ask, don't tell" (DADT), the 1993 law that prohibits gay men and lesbians from serving openly in the U.S. armed forces. Sen. McCain argues the policy "works well for the military" and to repeal it is far too risky, especially in the middle of two wars. A retired naval commander, Coye, argues with equal conviction the policy undermines the ability of the armed forces to accomplish its mission effectively due to the enforced discharge of top-performing soldiers, sailors, airmen, Marines and coasties who happen to be gay or lesbian, as well as the integrity of individual service members — both gay and straight.

John is ranking member of the Senate's Armed Services Committee. I am Beth, who served most of my naval career as a closeted lesbian. Since then, I have been a political-science professor, an author, and an unpaid but ardent advocate for why DADT must be repealed. Last spring, I edited "We Are Family Too," a book of 37 powerful letters written by former or retired military personnel who are gay or lesbian. The book reached the highest offices in our government.

Both Sen. McCain and I are worthy Americans. Why are we not supporting each other as former Navy juniors and naval officers?

McCain cites his experience as a Navy lieutenant who was a prisoner of war in Vietnam to argue against integration of openly gay men and lesbians into the military. Some from more conservative faith groups believe gay identity is "incompatible" with church teachings and, therefore, with military service.

I, too, reflect on my personal experience in evaluating DADT. Living a lie was the reason I retired after 21 years of honorable military service. Ultimately, that was my choice. It is hard to admit that as a former commanding officer, I signed off on the discharges of at least eight gay men or lesbians whose only infraction of the Navy's policies and regulations was their sexual orientation. I will live forever with the knowledge of how their lives were damaged by a dishonorable or general discharge. The military lost exceptional talent, as well.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid plans to introduce the 2011 Defense Authorization Act before year-end, including an amendment that would repeal "don't ask, don't tell." McCain vows to hold up the entire bill unless the repeal of DADT is removed.

In my church this past Sunday, we sang "We're Gonna Sit at the Welcome Table Someday." I asked myself, will Sen. McCain ever truly welcome me and my gay and lesbian military colleagues to the Navy table?

The American people now welcome gay men and lesbians to the table: More than 89 percent believe gay men and lesbians should have equal rights in the workplace.

The Pentagon's exhaustive report found that 70 percent of troops do not believe the change would have a negative impact on morale, and troop readiness would not be affected. The Pentagon Study Group is convinced that our military can repeal DADT, even during this time of war.

We can only hope that John will take off his blinders and welcome us to the table, too.