Whatever happens, the bankers win

WASHINGTON — The Great Vampire Squid has gotten religion.

In an interview with The Sunday Times of London, the cocky chief of Goldman Sachs said he understands that a lot of people are "mad and bent out of shape" at bloodsucking banks.

"I know I could slit my wrists and people would cheer," Lloyd Blankfein, the CEO, told the reporter John Arlidge.

But the little people who are boiling simply don't understand. And Rolling Stone's Matt Taibbi, who unforgettably labeled Goldman "a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity, relentlessly jamming its blood funnel into anything that smells like money," doesn't understand.

Banks, Blankfein explained, are really serving the greater good.

"We help companies to grow by helping them to raise capital," he said. "Companies that grow create wealth. This, in turn, allows people to have jobs that create more growth and more wealth. It's a virtuous cycle. We have a social purpose."

When Arlidge asked whether it's possible to make too much money, whether Goldman will ignore the people howling at the moon with rage and go on raking it in, getting richer than God, Blankfein grinned impishly and said he was "doing God's work."

Whether he knows it, he's referring back to The Protestant ethic and The Spirit of Capitalism — except, of course, the Calvinists would have been outraged by the banks' vicious — not virtuous — cycle of greed and concupiscence.

Blankfein's trickle-down catechism isn't working. Now we have two economies. We have recovering banks while we have 10-plus percent unemployment and 17.5 percent underemployment. The gross thing about the Wall Street of the last decade is how much its success was not shared with society.

Goldmine Sachs, as its known, is out for Goldmine Sachs.

As many Americans continue to struggle, Goldman, Morgan Stanley and JPMorgan Chase, banks that took government bailout money after throwing the entire world into crisis, have said they will dish out $30 billion in bonuses — up 60 percent from last year.

The saying used to be, whatever happens, the lawyers win. Now, it's whatever happens, the bankers win.

Under pressure from regulators, who were trying to ensure that long-term performance was rewarded, the banks agreed to award more in stock, deferring cash payments.

But as The Times reported this week, the Goldman executives who got stock options instead of bonuses last year, at market lows, got a windfall — so it had nothing to do with bank employees' performance.

"The company gave its general counsel, for example, 104,868 stock options and 14,117 shares in December, when the bank's stock was around $78," Louise Story wrote for The Times. "Now the bank's shares have more than doubled in value, making that stock and option award worth nearly $12 million."

As one former Goldman banker told Arlidge, the culture there is "completely money-obsessed. ... There's always room — need — for more. If you are not getting a bigger house or a bigger boat, you're falling behind. It's an addiction."

It's an addiction that Washington has done little to quell. President Barack Obama has not been strong on the issue, and Timothy Geithner coddles the wanton bankers whenever they freak out that they might not be able to put in their new pools next summer.

The bankers try to dismiss calls for regulation as populist ravings, but the insane inequity of it cannot be dismissed.

No sooner had the Senate Banking Committee Chairman Chris Dodd announced his plan to overhaul financial regulation Tuesday than compensation experts declared it toothless.

The banks and their lobbyists wheedled concession after concession out of Washington and knocked down proposed inhibition after inhibition. Now the banks are laughing all the way to the bank.

"Saturday Night Live" was tougher on Goldman Sachs than the government, giving the firm flak about commandeering 200 doses of the swine flu vaccine — the same amount as Lenox Hill Hospital got — while so many at-risk Americans wait.

"Can you not read how mad people are at you?" demanded Amy Poehler. "When most people saw the headline 'Goldman Sachs Gets Swine Flu Vaccine' they were superhappy until they saw the word 'vaccine."'

Seth Meyers chimed in: "Also, Centers for Disease Control, you sent the vaccine to Wall Street before schools and hospitals? Really!?! Were you worried the swine flu might spread to the Hamptons and St. Barts? These are the least contagious people in the world. They don't even touch their own car-door handles."

And as far as doing God's work, I think the bankers who took government money and then gave out obscene bonuses are the same self-interested sorts Jesus threw out of the temple.

Maureen Dowd is a regular columnist for The New York Times.