Originally published Saturday, May 10, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Syndicated columnist
Shiites ruin McCain's Sunni disposition
In a major speech on the war in Iraq today, presumptive GOP nominee Sen. John McCain said that the Iraqis have split into two factions...
Syndicated Columnist
In a major speech on the war in Iraq today, presumptive GOP nominee Sen. John McCain said that the Iraqis have split into two factions, Shiites and Sunnis, with a sinister goal in mind.
"My friends, the Iraqis have divided themselves into these two groups for one reason and one reason only," McCain told an audience in a retirement village in Scottsdale, Ariz. "They are trying to confuse me."
McCain said that while the two groups of Iraqis are "well-nigh impossible" to tell apart, he vowed to commit American troops to Iraq "for as long as it takes for me to figure out just what the difference between Sunnis and Shiites is."
"If it takes 100 years, 1,000 years, or a billion zillion years, we will stay there until I can tell Sunnis and Shiites apart," the Arizona senator said.
McCain reserved his harshest words for the Shiites, who he said were trying to confuse him by sometimes referring to themselves as "Shiites" and other times as "Shia."
"What's that all about, anyway?" he asked. "Stop clowning around and call yourself one thing."
McCain seemed alarmed when a reporter asked him whether he believed that the Kurds, the third major group in Iraq, were trying to confuse him as well.
"The Kurds?" McCain said. "Who the heck are they?"
McCain then cut short the campaign appearance, explaining that he needed a nap.
Elsewhere, United and US Airways entered merger talks, hoping to combine their lack of services.
Humorist Andy Borowitz is author of "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com
2008, Creators Syndicate
Leonard Pitts Jr. / Syndicated columnist: New York terror trials will restore faith in rule of law
Joni Balter / Seattle Times editorial columnist: Our team in D.C. — Locke, Sims and Kerlikowske
Guest columnist: A way to get around Karzai in Afghanistan
Ryan Blethen / Times editorial columnist: Block NBC/Comcast deal to protect consumer choice
Charles Krauthammer / Syndicated columnist: New York trial a propaganda coup for terrrorists
Raw Video | Real Salt Lake receives the MLS Cup trophy
Real Salt Lake is handed the 2009 MLS Cup trophy at Qwest Field, November 22, 2009.
nwjobs

Post a comment

Michelle Goodman blogs about work/life balance.
How to tell your office you're gravely ill
Post a comment
nwautos

Choosing a new sedan? Weigh the impact of your choice on your wallet and on the planet.
Post a comment
- 'The Road' takes Viggo Mortensen to Mount St. Helens and Astoria, Ore.
- Craigslist adoption ad: A plea by young mother-to-be? A scam?
- Tugboat sinks on Seattle's waterfront
- Child-support error costs nearly $21,000
- Italian lead prosecutor argues Knox motive was hatred
- Italian prosecutors request life sentence for UW student
- Man shot in chest on E. Union Street in Capitol Hill
- Washington state wines make annual best-of list
- Chase shrugs off loss of CD investors
- Mariners Blog | A Mariners-Tigers swap makes a whole lot of sense for both teams
- Senate vote clears hurdle
239 - Vikings easily beat the Seahawks
125 - Child-support error costs nearly $21,000
121 - Tight Senate vote launches health care over hurdle
119 - Palin excitement builds in Tri-Cities
119 - Cutting through breast-cancer confusion
90 - Prosecutor requests life in prison for Amanda Knox
89 - Game thread
70 - New York terror trials will restore faith in rule of law
56 - Chase shrugs off loss of CD investors
50
- Washington state wines make annual best-of list
- Nonprofits get creative using Twitter and Facebook to make donation easier
- It's possible to recover a life lost to hoarding
- Lynnwood is reinventing itself — again
- Great places to cross-country ski for free (or almost) in the Methow
- 'The Road' takes Viggo Mortensen to Mount St. Helens and Astoria, Ore.
- Child-support error costs nearly $21,000
- Recipes: Sesame Pork Roast, Sour Cream Mashed Potatoes, Gingerbread with Lemon Sauce and more
- Banff: powder, peaks & purity
- 175 foster kids in Washington get 'forever families'





