Hillary Clinton's candidacy puts women on the spot

A 40-something woman approaches an acquaintance at a party and whispers, "Are you for Obama?" — like it is a secret or the seventh grade. Don't get caught by the other righteous women gathered.

Another woman in another setting buttonholes her friend about institutional sexism preventing voters from supporting Hillary Clinton. A pair of Hillary zealots use superglue to post campaign signs on the cars of voters who don't quite feel the Hillary love.

You've met these people. You've seen that look in their eyes. They will say with all confidence and pushiness that women voters who favor Barack Obama are somehow disloyal to the advancement of women.

Enough already.

The most conflicted group of voters this year is not male lunch-bucket voters. They may go for war hero John McCain or Obama, who promises the by-now-hackneyed term "change."

Sure, the white, ethnic bowlers of my native state of Pennsylvania, where Obama was campaigning in advance of the April 22 primary, had to be shocked and appalled by the measly bowling score of 37. They respect bowling but will forgive and forget his gutter balls.

The most conflicted group of voters this year is women of a certain age and political striping who have been told it is almost treasonous to support Obama because finally, at long last, a woman has a shot at the White House.

This is the worst part of gender politics, this notion that women should support women because of the double-X bond.

Psshaw. The most encouraging thing about women in general is that they are practical.

"I'm torn and conflicted," says my friend, one of the most thoughtful women I know. She loves the strength and world-wise connections of Clinton. But her practical side wants someone who can win and end the war. That leads her very directly to Obama.

Clinton-to-Obama conversions are becoming more common.

A Seattleite who moved to Vashon Island told me recently she considers herself a feminist. She caucused for Clinton two months ago but has since switched to Obama. So have many of her friends.

"As a feminist, I very much wanted to see a progressive female president in my lifetime," she explained. "However, when the Clinton campaign began to get so hard-hitting and nasty, I questioned whether this candidate really reflected what I thought was best for the nation. With great sadness, I switched to Obama."

The latest, greatest news I have heard is some polls in Pennsylvania show Obama gaining on Hillary. Few would have predicted that.

Ethnic whites, like my Hungarian and Russian relatives back in Pittsburgh, were supposed to be so horrified by Obama's former preacher, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, and his hateful anti-American comments. I was, too. But maybe they are turning to Obama anyway for more practical and strategic reasons. He has a chance to win. And they like his optimism, his attempt to move us past the polarizing politics of the Clintons and Bush.

I think voters everywhere are taking a second look.

I understand Hillaryites. There is some truth to the notion that some women work twice as hard and try twice as hard to gain advancement. They wait their turn — like two centuries — and then once again the good-looking guy jumps ahead of them and gets the job.

At the policy level, you could use a butter knife to cut between the differences separating Hillary and Obama. Voting for president has much to do with whom you like and, in many cases, whom you trust to get us out of the war faster. That's Obama for me.

Hillary has been around a long time. She burned certain bridges. I very much want a woman president but I don't want one who starts with 47 percent of voters who really, really dislike her before she even sits down in the Oval Office. That's a woman with her hands tied behind her back

I am all for women advancing in every job, including president. But I don't feel I have to support Clinton. Other women will rise up and run. Hillary has to offer something way beyond sisterhood and feminist solidarity.

Joni Balter's column appears regularly on editorial pages of The Times. Her e-mail address is jbalter@seattletimes.com; for a podcast Q&A with the author, go to Opinion at seattletimes.com