Mission born out of grief

There will be no going inside the house. Too sad. Too much.

You understand, but then, you really can't imagine that night. The rain. The panic.

The loss.

One year later, Charlene Strong still wears all that, like the bracelet on her wrist that bears a photo of her late partner, Kate Fleming.

"There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her and what happened that night," Strong, 44, said recently. "I pretty much relive it over and over."

Fleming died after relentless rain sent a surge of water into the deep, windowless basement of their house on 30th Avenue East in Seattle's Madison Valley.

Fleming, an award-winning audio-book narrator, was trying to save her studio equipment when she was overcome. She was 41.

It was a cruel, unimaginable fate.

But will there be a lawsuit? Strong declined to comment.

It's been a long struggle, considering her ordeal that night.

Strong was denied access to Fleming by Harborview Medical Center staff until Fleming's family gave permission by phone. The episode put a face on the argument for same-sex couples and unmarried seniors being given the same rights of married people.

Especially in hospitals. Especially there.

A month after Fleming's death, Strong testified before the state Senate on a bill seeking those rights, and was there when Gov. Christine Gregoire signed the bill into law in April.

Strong, who owns a design company, hopes to take her story to the federal level, seeking protection for same-sex and unmarried-senior couples in crisis — and eventually, legalizing gay marriage.

"I could have gone to that place of complete pity, but I get more aggravated than anything," she said. "This is a dignity issue."

To that end, Strong agreed to be the subject of "For My Wife," an independent film being made by Seattle native David Rothmiller and L.D. Thompson, his partner in Trick Dog Films.

"For My Wife" tells the story of Strong and Fleming, then uses them to explore the issue of marriage equality and the current national debate on gay marriage. The film's funding is coming in through donations to Three Dollar Bill Cinema, and donations are welcome. (www.formywife.info)

"Our intention is to present a threatening subject in a nonthreatening way," Rothmiller said Thursday. "Once people meet Kate and Charlene through the film, they will understand our common-sense, common-decency approach to the topic of marriage equality."

Strong is perfect for the film, Rothmiller said, because of what she went through and her ability to put her emotions to words.

"Through her, people will get it," he said. "Once people understand the human element, their hearts open."

Strong would love if that happened. Fleming deserves that much.

"I didn't expect to be in this position," she said. "But it has pretty much consumed my life. The hardest part is learning to be patient.

"I want to listen more instead of popping off," Strong said. "You learn a lot when you listen."

She has also learned to be kind to herself, and let go of the belief that Fleming died because Strong failed to get her out of the basement that night.

Strong, who lives in a studio apartment in the Cascade neighborhood, walked through the 30th Avenue house with a therapist.

"I went in when they opened the studio and saw where Kate died," she recalled. "It's very difficult to go back there. I can't even open the front door. Too many memories.

"But I had to go through the steps of that night and talk it out," she said. "To see that there was nothing I could have done."

Did it work? I asked.

She sighed.

"How much room do you have?"

Nicole Brodeur's column appears Tuesday and Friday. Reach her at 206-464-2334 or nbrodeur@seattletimes.com.

She, too, seeks quiet grace.