Some colleges let men, women room together in dormitories

BOSTON — Janet Dewar and Matt Danzig met as college freshmen and hit it off so well they are now roommates. They share two on-campus rooms with one doorway into the hall. That they don't share a gender doesn't give them a second thought.

"At first when I told [my parents], they said, 'We're going to have to talk to you about this,' " said Dewar, a sophomore at Wesleyan University in Middletown, Conn. "I told them that there were two rooms, that there's nothing sexual going on between us, and that it wasn't really a big deal."

Some 20 universities and colleges have decided to allow undergraduates of the opposite sex to share an on-campus room. Most quietly made the move in the past five years, with Clark University in Worcester, Mass., deciding this month. It's the final frontier in the long march away from gender separation in college dorms, hallways and bathrooms.

While sharing a room comes unnervingly close in the minds of many parents to sharing a bed, advocates for the new arrangements said sexual intimacy rarely plays a role with those who sign up.

Instead, for a younger generation, it is increasingly common for men and women to just be friends. And some gay and transgendered students welcome the chance to avoid same-sex roommates they may not be comfortable around or who may not accept them.

"Men and women are becoming just as good friends as if they were with their same-sex friends. The dynamics have changed. I think the opposite sex is no longer really such a mystery as it was before," said Jeffrey Chang, a sophomore at Clark University, a school of about 2,800 students.

Chang led the effort to lift Clark's ban on opposite-gender roommates for upperclassmen housing after he and close friend Allison were barred from living together.

Most are platonic

After nearly a year of research and discussions, Clark administrators decided to allow it, primarily to accommodate gay and transgendered students, said Denise Darrigrand, dean of students.

At the University of Washington, male and female students do not share dormitory rooms nor are there any immediate plans to allow that to happen, said Christopher Glenn, assistant administrator for UW residential life.

Common bathrooms are also single sex. Males and females do, however, cohabit the same dorm buildings and sometimes the same floor, he said. Other public universities in Washington have similar policies, Glenn added.

Many schools who do allow cohabitation changed their policies partly to better accommodate gay and transgendered students, and most schools make it a choice available only to upperclassmen.

The schools report few problems and little reaction to the policy. One parent of a prospective Clark student called to express outrage over the decision, calling it immoral, Darrigrand said.

But most parents contacted for this report didn't know their children's schools had such an option, and few students avail themselves of it.

"I think it's just asking for trouble," said Collette Janson-Sand, whose son goes to the University of Southern Maine in Portland and who was unaware the school allows opposite-gender roommates.

"Even if he said it was platonic, I know what young people are like ... [and] I would also worry how much it would take away from his studies."

Not all parents oppose students cohabitating on campus.

"At first, it did shock me a little, but it doesn't bother me now," said Leslie Duffy, in an e-mail. Her daughter attends Bennington College in Bennington, Vt., which allows upperclassmen of opposite genders to room together.

She hears that most of the male-female roommates are platonic. Those in romantic relationships, she suspects, probably want their space and wouldn't risk being stuck in a tiny room after a breakup. "If not, it's a lesson to learn."

Duffy added, "College-age people make their own decisions about sexual behavior, and living arrangements have never done much to enable or prevent that."

Administrators at the University of Southern Maine said some parents requested the arrangement so siblings and relatives could share a room.

Cross-gender friendships

Research finds cross-gender friendships are more common among young people. A 2002 survey by American Demographics and Synovate found that 18- to 24-year-olds are almost four times as likely as those 55 and older to have a best friend of the opposite sex. More than 10 percent of those 25 to 34 said their closest friend was the opposite sex.

In a study published in 2000 by the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, more than one-quarter of participants reported having sex with a friend of the opposite gender. Most continued to be friends.

Few colleges have been willing to take gender integration to the room level. Harvard University has been considering the move off and on for years, a spokesman said.

Meghan Grizzle, a Harvard student, is concerned that sexual abuse or rape may rise in these living arrangements. She also writes for Modestly Yours, a blog that argues for a return to sexual modesty. "If women aren't respecting themselves in the way they dress and the way they act, then men aren't going to necessarily feel the need to do it either," she said.

Most of the schools allowing men and women to room together have liberal reputations, including Swarthmore College in Swarthmore, Pa., Hampshire College in Amherst, Mass., and Sarah Lawrence College in New York.

In the past year, some state schools such as the University of California, Riverside, have joined them.

When asked if living together has brought sexual tension into their friendship, both Danzig and Dewar said no.

Neither reported any awkward or indelicate moments, but when both genders use the same bathroom on the floor, not much remains secret. Dating neighbors — known as "hallcest" or "dormcest" — is courting disaster given such close quarters, Danzig said.

"I have a variety of female friends; many are entirely platonic, some of them I am attracted to," said Danzig, who sees Wesleyan's rooming policy as an extension of the school's rejection of traditionally defined notions of gender. "There's less pressure to behave the way that stereotypically males and females are supposed to behave."

Seattle Times staff reporter Nick Perry contributed to this report.