Pushy publicists are easy prey for teasing

If you had people — publicists, they're called — sending you free CDs and turning you on to new music with friendly e-mails, you'd probably be appreciative.

Not me: I love to tease them.

The way these pimps of the music world pump up their bands with e-mailed hipsterisms and desperate electronic hyperbole — well, I find it hard to resist, sometimes.

Here's a sampling of my latest vice, publicist-baiting:

• A publicist for Seattle Guitar Center's Spin Off competition (7 p.m. Wednesday at 530 Westlake Ave., free) sent a rather elaborate, ambitious e-mail, suggesting all sorts of story angles ("Growth and Evolution of the DJ World," " ... 'American Idol' for DJs"; "How Spin Off has Established Itself Among Young Adults in Seattle").

I e-mailed back: How about: Can't play guitar? No worries — be a DJ!

He replied, "Maybe that'll be next year's tagline!" ... and then proceeded to try to pitch me again. These publicists are tenacious little devils.

• Another e-mail recently came from a pitchman for Doves, the fine Brit band that plays 10 p.m. tomorrow at the Showbox ($23) — rescheduled from about a month ago, when they were to co-headline with Mercury Rev.

I replied: They're not going to come up with another lame-o excuse — e.g. "We had a headache that week from reading too many press clippings" or "We decided we didn't want to be compared to Mercury Rev, lest people think we're inferior" — and cancel again, I hope!

He replied, "No, they are definitely playing this time." I re-replied, asking him to "promise that if they reschedule again, you'll give me all of your vintage Captain & Tenille records!" He agreed.

• The frequently traveling Jesse Sykes and the Sweet Hereafter (Spin magazine called her Barsuk release "Oh, My Girl" "an album of gorgeously slow-burning noir ballads") play a hometown show at 10 p.m. tomorrow at Neumo's ($10).

My reply, knowing that Sykes' powerhouse guitar-player/partner Phil Wandscher used to play in Whiskeytown: Will Ryan Adams be sitting in? Or is he too, you know, 'busy'?"

The publicist at first didn't get it, perhaps not knowing Wandscher fled Whiskeytown on not-great terms. Or maybe he just pretended not to get it, as my e-mail was pretty stupid, anyway.

• A new Milwaukee band called Brief Candles is on tour. Its publicist e-mailed, promising (warning?) "Romantic shoegaze, lush instrumentation and lovely vocals are heading your way." I replied: "Romantic shoegaze"? — that sounds way too kinky for me, no foot fetish here!

I'll spare you the silly — even by this column's standards — subsequent e-mails. Brief Candles play tonight at the University District's Blue Moon Tavern.

• Another band, another publicist e-mail: "Wanted to check in on Embrace. They are there [at 10 p.m. Thursday, $12] at the Crocodile for a headline gig. What'd you think of the album?"

I replied: I think they sound like Coldplay disciples — which is not necessarily a bad thing, nor necessarily a good thing.

The re-reply: "Crazy thing is Coldplay used to open for Embrace in England. Embrace was supposed to release their U.S. debut a while back with their first album which was a huge hit in England, but then the Geffen mergers started happening and they were a very sad casualty. "

Sounds like they got played by the — perhaps aptly named — Coldplay.

• Blast from the Past e-mail: "Loggins & Messina, one of the most successful duos of the '70s, will hit the road this June for the first time in nearly 30 years for one of the most highly anticipated concert events of the summer, the 'Sittin' In Again Reunion Tour.' The tour will be in Seattle June 25 at the Gorge."

Me: Oh my gosh, they rock! I will be SO in the stands with back-up lighters when my main one burns out ... totally seriously, "House at Pooh Corner" is like the greatest song EV-ER.

The truth: I really do love that song. It makes me cry: "Count all the bees in the hive/chase all the clouds from the sky ... " (On the other hand, "Footloose" makes me puke. Kenny Loggins sure has a strong hold on my emotions.)

• A random, wide-ranging e-mail from the Apple world plugging Seattle's Acceptance and other iTuners came to my in-box.

My reply: Have you heard about my new product? It's called iHate iTunes.

No response on that one.

• More random fishing for publicity brought this: "What is an Indie-yuppie? ... The term 'Indie-yuppie' is being tossed around in the media these days to describe young urban professionals (think: hipsters) who shop in the trendiest stores, and devour the hottest cutting-edge music and film ... "

My response: Sounds indie-yukky.

Not very clever, but true.

• Climber, a nice-sounding band from Portland, e-mailed about a show at 10 tonight at Fremont's High Dive ($6). I replied: Compare and contrast: Radiohead vs. Climber, but did not hear back. (Perhaps the Climber chap thought I was being mean, but not so, I like the band, despite its obvious reference point.)

• Oh, and have you heard about that new joint Howl at the Moon? A publicist was kind enough to e-mail me about this new Pioneer Square "dueling pianos" bar (315 Second. Ave. S., site of the old Fenix).

Me: Whew! When I heard there was a new place opening in Pioneer Square, I was worried it might be a low-income child-care center or a jazz club or something like that — glad to hear it's another dueling piano bar, just what we need!

Again, no response to my e-sarcasm.

• Still another publicist e-mailed, promising her band compared favorably to Sunny Day Real Estate — one of my favorites, and one of Seattle's most influential bands (these days, far more young singers aspire to be the next Jeremy Enigk than the next Eddie Vedder). After giving the CD a listen, I'll leave the band un-named, and call it Sunny Day Really Fake.

Tom Scanlon: tscanlon@seattletimes.com.