Worst movie comedy ever?

No. Because once upon a time there was a picture called "The Pest." But that's a story for another day. Or maybe never.

For now, though, there's "The Sitter." And unless the planets perniciously misalign between now and the end of the month to allow Hollywood to burp out something mind-bendingly noxious — like say, a third Alvin and the Chipmunks movie (What? Really?) — then "The Sitter" wins the prize for Worst Comedy of 2011, hands down.

Cribbing its premise from 1987's "Adventures in Babysitting," "The Sitter" is a toxic landfill of a picture filled with pee jokes, poop jokes, fart jokes, sex jokes and drug jokes, all unfunny. Not to mention ethnic stereotypes, gay stereotypes, obnoxious children, loutish adults, car chases and exploding toilets.

Whew. Pass the gas mask.

It stars Jonah Hill, squandering all the goodwill he earned from his excellent and uncharacteristically serious turn as a baseball number cruncher in "Moneyball." He's back in "Superbad" mode here, playing a foulmouthed suburban slacker who's roped into baby-sitting three kids-from-hell: a makeup- addicted preteen girl (Landry Bender), her anxiety-ridden hysteric of an older brother (Max Records) and their adopted brother (Kevin Hernandez), a seething mass of resentments with an explosive temper and a penchant for expressing his anger with actual explosives. Cue exploding toilet.

Lured by the promise of sex with his manipulative party-girl girlfriend (Ari Graynor), Hill's character bundles the kids into the family minivan and drives them into New York City, stopping along the way to score some cocaine as a party favor for the party girl.

Gee. Sex and drugs and child endangerment. Are we having fun yet? No? Well, let's add in a homicidal drug dealer (Sam Rockwell) and some hulking gangbangers and let the good times roll.

Worst of all is the attempt to try to redeem the movie by occasionally having Hill offer sage advice to the kids on how to overcome their hang-ups and phobias and become well-adjusted people. The breathtaking insincerity behind those scenes and the picture's overall crassness make "The Sitter" the loathsome low point of the movie year.

Soren Andersen: asoren7575@yahoo.com