'Old Dogs' definitely not best of show

If you take the kids to only one Disney movie this holiday season, make it "A Christmas Carol" and avoid "Old Dogs."

The ploy of pairing John Travolta and Robin Williams, whose salaries probably represented most of the budget, is the only pedigree "Old Dogs" has going for it.

Unfortunately, the forced nature of all their mugging and slapstick is just as bad as the cheap sentimentality that "Old Dogs" milks with saccharine excess in its exploitation of emotion and glamour.

The 50-something movie stars play best friends and business partners of a boutique sports-marketing agency in New York. Charlie (Travolta) has never married and remains a dedicated skirt chaser; Dan (Williams) is twice-divorced and still mooning over the sudden gain and loss of No. 2 seven years ago.

As the Disney publicity synopsis states so succinctly, "the pair have their lives turned upside down when they're unexpectedly charged with the care of 7-year-old twins while on the verge of the biggest business deal of their lives."

Since Disney has made such a lazy movie, I'll follow the cue and continue the quote: "The not-so-savvy bachelors stumble in their efforts to take care of the twins (newcomers Ella Bleu Travolta and Conner Rayburn), leading to one debacle after another, and perhaps to a newfound understanding of what's really important in life."

Couldn't have said it better myself. The only thing I'll add is the twins belong to Dan, from his one-night second marriage, and they need their daddy because mommy's going to jail for two weeks.

She's still a good mommy, though, because her crime was environmental civil disobedience.

The debacles pile on top of one another with a string of celebrity cameos popping up (including the late Bernie Mac in an inauspicious final performance).

It's all in service to a script, constructed almost entirely out of implausibilities and leaps of acceptance, just begging to be put out of its misery.

Ted Fry: tedfry@hotmail.com