"College Road Trip" cute — for kids unschooled in film formulas

Don't confuse this glossy piece of tweener fluff with the 2003 raunch-fest "Road Trip." As a vehicle for Disney Channel idol Raven-Symoné, the squeaky-clean image never wavers. Even Donny Osmond's sparkling teeth seem a little dim compared with the unsullied gleam the movie presents as real life.

But then you'd expect no less from a G-rated showcase for one of the hottest stars in the Disney stable, and Raven's devoted pubescent fans will doubtless have dreams of following that radiant smile to college in five or six years.

Martin Lawrence plays the father of Melanie Porter (Raven). He's an uptight, overprotective guy who's suffering from severe separation anxiety on the eve of his daughter's flight from the nest. Their picaresque journey from suburban Chicago to the East Coast has all the makings of a sweet, adorable and utterly-detached-from-reality Disney Channel kiddie sitcom.

Also along for the ride are Melanie's precocious little brother, his darling pet piglet, various other Disney Channel faces, the jarring presence of an ex-"Sopranos" family figure, and the aforementioned high-beams of Osmond's choppers. All of them do as they're expected with varying degrees of ironic success.

As a psychopathically perky dad who keeps popping up with his own super-sunny daughter, Osmond has the good sense to understand that he's supposed to act like a dork, and he's happy to comply. The pig is set up to steal all his scenes, especially when they're enhanced by computer tricks and staged to give kids exactly the kind of silly slapstick they've been trained to howl at.

Osmond and the pig aren't the only hams in the cast. Kids who don't know Martin Lawrence from Tim Allen will probably be delighted by all the I've-got-the-vapors eye rolling along with the rest of his mugging. But their greatest joy will surely come from Raven, the spunky princess of the hit show "That's So Raven."

Raven and Lawrence present a forced front of father/daughter unity within the strict antiseptic confines of their spotless alternate reality. Raven's manner is nothing if not studied, and she really only relaxes in the midst of an impromptu musical number aboard a busload of Japanese tourists. Fortunately Osmond is never far away to shed more sweetness and unnatural light.

Ted Fry: tedfry@hotmail.com