"Firehouse Dog" | Without Tyson, this doesn't move

If you go to the movies a lot, you acquire all kinds of unexpected knowledge, much of which you rarely get a chance to drop into everyday conversation. But "Firehouse Dog" provides me with an opportunity that I'm not about to pass up: Rexxx, the dog in the movie, is not the best skateboarding dog working in cinema today.

That honor goes to a bulldog named Tyson, who starred in a perfectly dreadful Ashlee Simpson movie a few years ago, and whose breezy expertise on wheels was a wonder to behold. I don't know what's become of Tyson — perhaps he's been in rehab — but "Firehouse Dog," which suffers from a severe charisma deficiency, could have used him.

Rexxx, played by a handful of interchangeable Irish terriers, is a movie-star dog who wears his hair in an oddly poufy pompadour; sort of a canine tribute to Regis Philbin. He's living high on the hog (can you say that about a dog?) until he flees a movie set one day when a stunt goes wrong.

Abandoning his hair extensions, he makes his way to the nearest city and befriends a kid named Shane (Josh Hutcherson), who initially wants nothing to do with him.

Shane, you see, is a troubled kid; he's got an absent mom and a distracted firefighter dad (Bruce Greenwood), and he often skips school to cruise aimlessly around town on his skateboard.

Need I tell you that Rexxx and Shane become buddies, and that Rexxx teaches Shane a great deal about folding laundry, belching and friendship? (Apparently dogs can belch. I'm adding that to my knowledge store.)

And that the story line involves a sinister arson plot, and some scary rescues from burning buildings? And that Shane and his dad reconnect with each other, but not after a few tears and life lessons?

All of this is fairly excruciating for adults, and I suspect even its target demographic might find "Firehouse Dog" pretty slow going. (At 111 minutes, it seems absurdly long.) It's harmless enough for young kids, but director Todd Holland seems to have little interest in making anything but a generic, instantly forgettable family-friendly feature.

And by giving the dog some cutesy computer-enhanced tricks (like raising an eyebrow), the movie makes Rexxx less real and the entire experience more distant. Come back, Tyson — the movies need you.

Moira Macdonald: 206-464-2725 or mmacdonald@seattletimes.com