Since GM's issuing apologies, it owes us a big one for this

Review |

Not in my lifetime has a car company come up with anything as absurd as the 2009 Cadillac Escalade Hybrid, the latest example of hybrid greenwashing.

The two-wheel-drive model's 20-mpg combined fuel-economy rating may be 5 miles per gallon better than the regular Escalade's, but it's still tied for the worst mileage of any hybrid vehicle rated by the Environmental Protection Agency. The beefier four-wheel-drive hybrid weighs so much — well over 3 tons — that it is exempt from government mileage testing. Imagine that, a hybrid in the same category as Hummers.

Like every other Escalade, the hybrid model reeks of excess rather than thrift, from the company that recently apologized for disappointing consumers and ignoring their needs. Most hybrids employ smaller-than-standard gasoline engines to help boost fuel economy, though Cadillac's idea of downsizing the huge 6.2-liter V8 in the standard Escalade is the merely extremely large 6.0-liter V8 found in the hybrid. GM's "two-mode" hybrid drive system employed here differs from most complementary electric-motor assists in that it's designed to ensure that this giant, eight-passenger truck can still tow up to 5,800 pounds. No great surprise, then, that GM originally developed this hybrid system for commercial buses.

Save weight? Nah

The Escalade Hybrid rides on 22-inch wheels, which are at least 4 inches bigger and thus many pounds heavier than any sensible engineer would choose if truly concerned with improving fuel economy. But instead of figuring out how to shed pounds and thus boost mileage, the Kafka-esque nature of being assigned to design a hybrid luxury SUV means packing in features like power running boards that automatically drop down when you open a door (giving you a nice whack in the shin if you're not careful).

A remote starter allows you to fire up your Escalade Hybrid and let it warm up in the driveway, gasoline engine idling away, a gratuitous touch that proved damaging to my attempts at achieving decent fuel economy.

During a cold November week, the hybrid Cadillac managed only 17 mpg under my charge, 15 percent below its EPA rating. By comparison, that's the same as the EPA rating for the 2009 Chevrolet Tahoe XFE, a new, lightened version of the GM SUV on which the Escalade is based. This makes me wonder what kind of mileage GM could get out of the Escalade if it did similarly: Forget the complicated hybrid system and its heavy battery pack entirely and just use the smaller V8, with its cylinder-deactivation technology and a mere 332 horsepower compared with the 403 in the standard Escalade.

But that's a rational attempt at improving fuel economy, with little marketable value. At its core, the Escalade is among the most irrational vehicles on the road, embodying the hip-hop ethos of consumerism and living large.

The other culprit for my mediocre mileage is that the Escalade Hybrid has to warm up before the vehicle can function as a hybrid. Until the gasoline engine reaches its optimal operating temperature, the hybrid system's automatic-stop feature, which can shut down the gasoline engine when the vehicle stops or its speed drops below about 25 miles per hour, does not work. Thus, if you take short trips and the engine stays cold, you can still waste plenty of gas idling at a stop.

Admittedly, another damning factor is my driving style, which, like most drivers', is in no way designed to achieve optimal fuel economy.

Payback time

Let's calculate the point at which you're paid back in fuel savings for buying the hybrid Escalade over the standard model — not because it's really going to factor into anyone's decision, but because it can make for good comedy:

About a year ago, I reviewed the hybrid Lexus LS 600hL luxury sedan, the once-and-still king of stupid hybrids with its six-figure price tag and 2.1-million-mile break-even point. Given that the $72,865 hybrid Escalade carries just a $10,930 premium over the base model, using the EPA's fuel-economy ratings (however accurate or inaccurate they may be) and a gas-price average of $3, payback would come in a mere 218,600 miles (assuming you didn't have to replace the expensive battery pack).

What's impossible, however, is to look anyone in the eye and say you bought an Escalade Hybrid because you care about the environment.