This week's column is nothing less than a miracle

For starters, a simple apology.

What you read here could have, should have and would have been sharper, crisper and more to the point than it is.

But on the way home the other night, Mr. Wrap accidentally slipped into a ravine and fell unconscious for three days — fortunately, beneath a log padded with insulating maple leaves — before suddenly awakening, jumping to his feet and high-tailing it nine miles back home in the middle of the night.

He would like to take this opportunity to thank the four people — only three of whom he owed money — who took time off from watching the hockey playoffs to come looking for him. They are owed a debt of gratitude he could never possibly repay, and in any case, probably wouldn't.

Since you asked: Feeling fine now, no medical attention required! The fact that you're reading this at all is proof positive that miracles really do happen.

More cautionary tales:

Signs Your Spouse's Wilderness-Survival Tale Might Not Add Up:

• Previous record long-term outdoors exposure was Chris Isaak concert at The Pier.

• Pant cuffs contain dried leaves, sticks — and Dom Perignon cork.

• Took out unusual, three-nights-under-a-log insurance policy with MetLife.

• To avoid a citation, paid the daily trailhead fee — three times.

• Unidentified voice on answering machine asks: "Did you go with the falling-in-the-ravine story?"

Meet The New Boss ... : In Congress, Democrats who rode to power in November on a pledge to stop funding the needless war in Iraq voted overwhelmingly to continue funding the needless war in Iraq.

One Word: Plastics: The final-assembly line for the Boeing 787 eventually will be staffed by all new employees trained specifically to work with airplanes made from lightweight, carbon fiber and plastic parts. Finally: A career option for kids who spent too many years playing with model-airplane glue.

Speaking Of The Dreamliner: It's supposed to have a new, proprietary flight system that dramatically curbs those stomach-churning turbulence drops. Alas, a Boeing spokesman said the new system will do little to quell that upchuck feeling you get when the sneering visage of Ann Coulter appears on the in-flight entertainment system.

Protest This: A Seattle demonstration against a new immigration bill before Congress drew all of 15 participants. One suggestion to anti-immigration organizers: If you want to make a bigger splash next time, hire some of those guys standing around downtown north of the Pike Place Market.

Tour de Slime: Disputed Tour de France winner Floyd Landis sat by and did nothing while his manager phoned cyclist Greg LeMond, scheduled to testify against Landis the next day in an anti-doping trial, and taunted him with references to sexual abuse LeMond suffered as a child. A post-trial analysis of Landis' blood revealed unnaturally low levels of character in his system.

Keeping Up With The Joneses: Even as the number of people in the average American household continues to shrink, the average square footage of U.S. houses continues to rise. When you think about, it makes perfect sense: People don't mind having immediate family members around; they just don't necessarily want to see them.

Meanwhile, On The Campaign Trail: Following the lead of other states, Florida announced it will move its presidential primary up to January 2008. Alabama quickly responded by moving its own 2008 primary to February 2002.

And Finally: Taxi cabs in New York City are switching to hybrid technology. At high speeds, they run on regular gasoline. When slowed or stuck in traffic, they switch over and run on chutzpah.

A section and Thursday's Northwest Weekend section. Email: rjudd@seattletimes.com