He's 'Mr. Mom' and it's the hardest job he's ever had

Josh Wainscott never thought: "When I grow up I want to stay at home with my kids while my wife goes to work."

But that's what happened.

"It's a weird, weird place for a man to be," Wainscott said. And it's the hardest job he's ever had. "I don't know how women do it."

Thursday morning, he watched his two children, Marley, 2, and Wyatt, 5 months, while his wife, Ashley, got ready for her job as a merchandiser at Nordstrom.

"Mommy going to work," Marley said, following as her mother searched for her car keys.

As soon as they were found — behind a green stuffed frog — Ashley Wainscott was out the door, and her husband's workday began.

"One more bite of banana and you can be done," Josh Wainscott told Marley at the breakfast table.

He poured himself a bowl of Marshmallow Treasures cereal, but didn't finish it before Marley was up and pulling at his elbow, begging him to play with her in the living room.

While stay-at-home dads aren't as common as their female counterparts, more and more families have bread-winning mothers and homemaking fathers. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, there were an estimated 158,000 stay-at-home dads in 2009, compared with 105,000 in 2002.

For Wainscott, the decision to stay home made sense. His wife made more money than he did in his former jobs as a bartender and car salesman, so she kept her job after the children were born.

Also, "Josh is a caregiver type," Ashley Wainscott said, so it felt natural to have him with the kids each day.

Outside of their Des Moines home Thursday morning, Wainscott and Marley planted flowers while Wyatt sat nearby in his stroller.

"Gloves! Dirt! Water!" Marley yelled as she dug holes for the plants. She soon gave that up and started running laps around a tree, prompting Wainscott to pick up Wyatt and chase her.

By 10 a.m., they were back inside. Wyatt crawled on the floor, playing with toy cars and trucks. Marley put on a Cinderella princess dress and twirled around in the living room.

"It's invaluable. You can't get these years back," Wainscott said of full-time parenting. "It's so special and so good to be able to raise your own kids."

He spends each day playing, reading books and going to parks. He's responsible for most of the family's cleaning, cooking and laundry. His least favorite chore is changing diapers.

"The moment I wake up, I'm changing diapers," Wainscott said. "I probably change 20 diapers a day."

Still, Wainscott feels out of place. He also gets lonely, and said it's hard to find other stay-at-home dads.

"Guys don't go to play dates," he said.

Because of that, Wainscott sometimes goes to play groups with his wife's friends. There, five women sit at a table gossiping, and Wainscott is the only man. He said he often opts to hang out with the dozen or so children who are there.

He also wants to contribute to the family financially, but struggles to find a way to earn money from home.

He tries to make money by creating websites or blogs, but he said it's more of a hobby than a job. He's also created a blog of his own where he shares stories and tips for being a stay-at-home dad.

"We're just the normal average family," Wainscott wrote on the blog. "But the traditional roles have been flipped."

Wainscott has accepted his role as homemaker and caretaker, but says society seems to overlook men like him.

In most stores or restaurants, the men's room doesn't have baby-changing tables. If his wife isn't with him, it's a problem. Wainscott said he once was at a store in downtown Seattle and, frustrated with its lack of a changing table, changed his child's diaper on the customer-service counter.

He's used to clerks at the grocery store asking, "Are you baby-sitting for the day?"

"No," he tells them. "I do this every day."

Carly Flandro: 206-579-3013 or cflandro@seattletimes.com