Freedom from Tweet is sweet

What am I doing? The little Twitter box asks.

You really want to know, you gaping hole? I am thinking of sending a fruit basket to the clever band of hackers who clipped your little blue wings Thursday.

The Twittering world may have felt like it had been ordered into a virtual bomb shelter when the service went down for a few hours.

But I was spinning around on a virtual mountaintop like Julie Andrews in "The Sound of Music."

I was free! I had time! I had space in the part of my brain that has been engaged in the most inane of pastimes: telling everybody what I am doing.

Can't I just do it, and not feel compelled to share it with my "followers"?

Twitter being down was like a vacation from ... me.

Don't get me wrong, technology. I love you. (So does Seattle City Light, I'm sure.)

You have brought me music and love and Jeff Burness from elementary school. You have brought me hundreds of great recipes and the beachfront webcam at the Kona Village Resort.

I even sang "Happy Birthday" to my Dad via Skype the other day. (If you could have seen his face.)

But Twitter? That may be where I draw the line in the box.

I don't want to spend so much of my life tethered to a virtual world. To quote Susan Hayward: "I want to live!"

Twitter is a major time suck. It's like feeding fish who really aren't that hungry. I may sprinkle my little insights into the virtual bowl, but all those other fish don't really care. They're thinking of ways to make their bowl-circling interesting reading.

When did we get so self-absorbed?

Not long ago, my mornings used to start with coffee, maybe a run. I'd make oatmeal, read the paper, then glance at my e-mail before heading out into the day like a talking, breathing person.

Now I start the day with coffee, but then check my e-mail, then my Facebook, where I check in on the lives of my friends.

That usually leads to 10 or 12 minutes of cyber-wandering, video viewing or list reading, before I glance at the clock and rush back to my profile to contemplate the daily puzzle: "Nicole Brodeur is ... "

What?

There is some real pressure there, believe me. I have very clever Facebook friends who eat rapturous meals and travel the world; who quote song lyrics or their kids; get political or psychological or dash off little ditties that would make Bennett Cerf proud.

But Twittering three, four times a day seems more of a chore. And I wonder if all this "What are you doing?" is really worth the trouble.

More importantly, does anyone really care?

A new Nielsen survey says no; that the "teens" we middle-aged folks are trying to keep up with really don't Twitter at all.

One-quarter of U.S. Internet users are under 25, Nielsen says, but only 16 percent of Twitter users are in that age range.

Nielsen also claims that over 90 percent of users of TweetDeck — a one-stop tweet shop for your computer — are over 25.

In other words, our efforts to keep up with kids today are causing us to act like children ourselves. Narcissistic, time-wasting little Twits.

So when the little box asks, What am I doing? Nothing. I'm shutting the twit up.

Nicole Brodeur's column appears Tuesday and Friday. Reach her at 206-464-2334 or nbrodeur@seattletimes.com.

Don't follow me; I'm lost.