Woman gave a face to Alzheimer's

Betsy Meyer, the soft-spoken West Seattle woman who gave up her privacy so readers could understand how a real person and her family cope with early-onset Alzheimer's disease, died Tuesday. She was 55.

A wife, mother of two children and faithful Lutheran, Mrs. Meyer was a down-to-earth person who cared more about people than possessions. She loved listening to National Public Radio and watching classic movies on TV.

In 2000, when she was 46 and working as an accountant for a Seattle law firm, Mrs. Meyer was diagnosed with progressive dementia, probable Alzheimer's disease.

"The worst thing is the kids," she said during the early stage of her disease. "I don't know how long it's going to take before I won't know them."

The Seattle Times chronicled her journey in "Losing Betsy," which was published in three chapters in 2002, 2004 and 2007.

After the first story appeared, Mrs. Meyer and her family — husband Jeff Meyer and their children Alex and Emily — were widely encouraged and praised for their candor. Soon after, ABC television flew them to New York to retell their story on "Good Morning America."

By going public, the Meyers joined a grass-roots movement of people with dementia and their loved ones who were writing and speaking out to help demystify the disease.

Though public advocacy wasn't a natural for the family, they also appeared together on local TV, spoke at conferences and participated in fundraising walks.

"They all kind of grew into this and rose to the occasion," said Patricia Hunter, director of programs for the Alzheimer's Association — Western and Central Washington State Chapter.

"They're just good people and private people. They're very humble."

With Mrs. Meyer's consent, the law firm she had been working for before her diagnosis dismissed her, but kept her on the payroll until she could begin receiving disability insurance and, later, Social Security benefits.

Slowly, her abilities began to slip away — from forgetting how to add double digits and then how to drive, to forgetting her children's names and then how to swallow.

Mrs. Meyer lived at home until her husband could no longer provide the level of care she needed and moved her in the summer of 2007 to an adult-family home in Renton.

During his nearly daily visits, he always read a passage from the Bible and prayed with her. The rest of the family saw her often as well. It was a good day if Mrs. Meyer smiled or gave a glimmer of recognition.

"What she's had to face — I don't know if there's any way we can imagine it," Jeff Meyer said.

Born in a working-class Portland neighborhood as Elizabeth Ann Harrison on Nov. 19, 1953, she was raised in a Lutheran family of five children.

She matured into a bright and creative person, with a charitable heart and unshakable faith.

"Well, I get mad at God sometimes, but — uh — I know He's there," said Mrs. Meyer, in the middle of her disease. A quick and surprisingly sardonic sense of humor kept her from seeming too sweet.

As a young adult, Mrs. Meyer volunteered at Holden Village, a Lutheran retreat center in Eastern Washington, where her ashes are to be scattered at her request.

Later, while living in Germany for a year, she did volunteer work with disabled children. After that, she volunteered as a chore worker for a mentally impaired woman in Seattle, remaining friends with her long after the job ended.

"She has always been one for the underdog," said her sister, Elaine Harrison of Seattle.

Mrs. Meyer worked her way through college as a waitress, attending Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma and graduating from the University of Washington with a bachelor's degree in German in 1979.

She and Jeff met at Bethlehem Lutheran Church in Seattle, where they married in 1982, then worshipped there with their children and sang in the choir.

"She was always really positive ... helpful, patient, a real solid person," said Linda Lin, a close friend who collaborated with Mrs. Meyer to revive the church's Sunday school.

As long as she was able, Mrs. Meyer was a dedicated wife and mother who loved to cook and sew. She took a class in cake decorating and designed the kids' Halloween costumes.

Even when she no longer was able to speak, Mrs. Meyer often still radiated an inner peace.

"She wasn't afraid to be who she was, even when she did get diagnosed," said daughter Emily. "I don't think she ever denied it. She accepted herself for who she was. She loved herself."

The experience strengthened the family.

"I realized I was capable of doing things that I didn't think I would be," said Jeff, his wife's primary caregiver until the day she moved into the adult-family home.

"I am more thankful. I'm more patient in getting to know people," said Emily.

Alex said that as difficult as many things in his life have been, "I'm very fortunate to have the family that I do."

And the support for the Meyer family — from friends, teachers and co-workers — never stopped, either. "It helped a lot," said Alex.

After moving into the adult-family home, Mrs. Meyer never walked again and within months was receiving hospice care. Her world shrank to a pleasant, light-filled bedroom where she sat slumped over in a wheelchair.

"I've come to peace with this whole deal," Jeff said in March. "It's out of my hands. Whatever's going to happen, I have no control over."

Anyone who visited Mrs. Meyer could record their feelings in a guest book placed by the family in her room.

"Today, I just broke down when I saw her," Alex wrote in April 2008. "I told her how much I miss her ... It felt good to let go of emotions I've held onto for a while. I think I have needed this."

The family moved Mrs. Meyer to a different adult- family home in Bellevue several weeks ago. Despite the winter weather, they were able to visit her together, including the night before she died.

At the end, Mrs. Meyer no longer knew her family and friends. But she seemed to know she was safe and loved, said her sister Elaine.

Besides her husband and children, Mrs. Meyer is survived by her mother, Esther Colby of Portland; her sisters, Elois Macdonald of Spanaway, Pierce County; Edna Porter of Vancouver, Wash.; Elaine Harrison of Seattle and brother Steve Harrison of Keizer, Ore.

A memorial service will be held after the holidays.

Remembrances may be sent to the Alzheimer's Association — Western and Central Washington State Chapter, or Holden Village, HC0 Box 2, Chelan, WA. 98816.

Marsha King, a former Seattle Times staff reporter, chronicled the life of Betsy Meyer and her family in a series of articles that began after Mrs. Meyer was diagnosed at 46 with early-onset Alzheimer's disease.