A prayer for Gloria | "We love talking about Gloria. That's what helps us heal"

Sam Strauss blows kisses toward the sky to communicate with his sister Gloria. Whenever a restaurant gives him a balloon, the 4-year-old releases it into the air, hoping it will fly all the way to heaven.

"I wanna die so I can go see Gloria," Sam says often, and his parents have come to understand he is being sweet, not morbid.

It has been three months already. Gloria, the second of Doug and Kristen Strauss' seven children, died of cancer Sept. 21 after fighting her disease for more than four years. She will forever be 11 years old, so charismatic she could captivate a room with her impersonations, so spiritual she could lead an entire community on a faith journey.

The spirit of Gloria, whose final months were chronicled in a Seattle Times series, remains as palpable as the boxes containing her possessions, which sit in the Strausses' living room.

Through her last breath, Gloria believed God would heal her of neuroblastoma, her mysterious childhood cancer. "I know I'm going to be a miracle," Gloria, a devout Catholic, would say. In reflection, the Strausses have declared that heaven is the miracle.

"Grieving is tough," Doug admits, "but through Gloria, we saw heaven. We feel heaven. Our family feels healthy. Emotionally, we're hurting. We miss her so much. But we're healthy."

Says Kristen: "Sometimes, it hits me and my stomach drops. I want to stomp my feet because I want her here. But I truly know she's in a better place."

Life remains difficult, however. Doug's parents, Steve and Diane Strauss, spent time in the hospital recently. Diane had the most serious problem, requiring surgery to remove a benign kidney tumor. She has since recovered, but for Doug, the frequent hospital visits were a reminder of Gloria's final weeks.

But the feeling was different. Doug was calm, not distressed. The Strausses have become veterans at handling misfortune.

Says Kristen: "When Diane learned about the tumor, I remember thinking, 'All right, what's God got in store for us this time? Is it time to put the armor back on?' "

The family focuses on doing whatever the next day requires. Some days are tearful, others joyous. Most days are both. As long as they can still feel Gloria's presence, they can manage.

The Strausses struggle the most if they go out in public and people do not mention Gloria. When that happens, they figure people are just afraid to ask, but they fear some have moved on.

"We love talking about Gloria," Kristen says. "That's what helps us heal. We're always waiting for the next story about what someone remembers about Gloria or how she impacted their lives."

Ensuring Gloria's legacy drives her parents. Doug quit his teaching job at Kennedy High School in Burien two months ago to focus on establishing a nonprofit organization called Gloria's Angels. As the family's sole provider, he has sacrificed a steady income because he wants to use the foundation to provide practical help to families with seriously ill children, just as the Strausses were helped.

"Without our community, we'd be broken apart," Doug says.

The Strausses have been living off their savings, some donations and money Doug has earned through substitute teaching and various speaking and consulting jobs.

"There are moments when I wonder, 'Wow, did I really leave teaching? Am I going to be able to provide for my family?' " says Doug, who also coached boys basketball at Kennedy. "Right now, money's not our problem. It's our emotional healing. I want to be with my family, as well as starting Gloria's Angels. I have to test it out. Gloria was always focused on others.

"Also, if things get tight, I'm very confident I could run the drive-through at McDonald's."

In January, when the plan for Gloria's Angels is finalized, Doug and Bob Turner, a family friend with business experience, expect to begin fundraising efforts.

In the meantime, the Strausses are worrying about each other. They enjoy sitting at the dinner table together. They go as a family to watch the girls — Alissa, 13, and Maria, 9 — play basketball.

Alissa and Maria are now roommates. Alissa loved the freedom of having her own room, but she moved back in with Maria, who used to share space with Gloria. Camaraderie trumps independence right now.

On a Wednesday night two weeks ago, the children sat at the dinner table in their Federal Way home and ate chicken teriyaki. Someone tricked Sam into thinking he was eating duck, so he yelled about his duck while the others giggled.

"The cancer's not in our home anymore," Kristen says. "The cancer's gone."

They just wish the price had not been so high to eliminate the cancer. Sometimes, the kids talk about wishing they had a time machine, so they could travel back and visit with Gloria. What a thought, the parents say.

Kristen had a deep conversation with Maria, who resembles Gloria, about her sister. Mom wanted to make sure her daughter understood one thing. "You saw how much we loved Gloria, didn't you?" Kristen asked.

"Yeah," replied Maria, who sometimes struggled to understand why Gloria needed so much attention.

"We love you as much as we love Gloria," Kristen told her youngest daughter. "We love all of you like that. You saw the love in action, so just think about that."

Maria smiled and hugged her mother.

Jerry Brewer: 206-464-2277 or jbrewer@seattletimes.com.