Sorry, we don't want to hear it

Apparently, being a public figure these days means always having to say you're sorry.

Deeply, unapologetically sorry. From Ellen DeGeneres to Hope Solo on down to obscure local politicians, we the people have been buffeted of late by squall after squall of weepy, begging regrets.

I believe in the transformative power of a sincere "I'm sorry." Few things are harder to do, or prompt more healing in the world.

But this latest sorriness epidemic strikes me as so phony that it's more unforgivable than whatever prompted the mea culpas in the first place.

I looked over a batch of recent remorse — from King County Councilmember Jane Hague to U.S. Sen. Larry Craig to, most fresh, Seattle City Council candidate Venus Velázquez — to see if there's a common thread. A clue as to why I find myself so unwilling to accept their apologies.

What's absent from all their confessionals is: a confession.

It's Sorry 101: You can't be sincerely contrite about something if you can't bring yourself to cop to the something.

Take Hague. She was charged with drunken driving. There are police accounts as well as blood-alcohol tests indicating she was drunk and driving poorly. She said she'd had only two glasses of wine. But ended up apologizing:

"I am very sorry that this incident occurred and I take matters of this sort very seriously."

Note the emotional distance. This was an incident that occurred, not something she did. Hague now contends she's not guilty. Which leaves me wondering: What then did she apologize for?

(Though Hague also later expressed regret specifically for the obscenity-laced ridicule she heaped on officers.)

Same with Craig. When his men's-room arrest came out, he resigned like this:

"I apologize for what I have caused. I am deeply sorry."

That was promising, if vague. A few weeks later, though, he took it back — the apology, the resignation, his previous admission of guilt. Now he says he's only deeply sorry for one thing — that he ever pleaded guilty at all.

Then there's Velázquez. She was charged with DUI. She said she's "more sorry about this incident than I can express in words" and "takes full responsibility." Yet she insists she wasn't impaired and now is fighting it in court. So what is it she's sorry about? The bad publicity?

Maybe this plague of hollow sorriness is our fault, for granting forgiveness too casually. What I long to hear instead are these simple words: "Yes, I did it."

Who knows — maybe they're all innocent. But if not, wouldn't it be refreshing if they admitted guilt? At least before they go around begging for absolution?"

The Catholics have it right. They say: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. They don't say: Forgive me, Father, I may have sinned, only the courts have to sort it all out, so in the meantime, can you start forgiving?

"I did it." After you say that, the words "I'm sorry" are like magic — capable of transforming ugliness into beauty. Until then, politicians, keep your sorries to yourselves.

Danny Westneat's column appears Wednesday and Sunday. Reach him at 206-464-2086 or dwestneat@seattletimes.com.