Whatever it is, they'll probably drink to that

Official Meeting Minutes, Your Local Government Body, October 2007:

The meeting was called to order at 7 p.m. A proposal to designate a DrunkenDriving Awareness Week was tabled because its two sponsors were three sheets to the wind and jointly refusing Breathalyzer tests.

A report on Spousal Abuse Prevention was delayed until the councilman who wrote it returned from pleading not guilty to getting drunk and choking his wife.

A motion to designate the first Tuesday in November as "Stupor Tuesday," an election-day pub crawl for inebriated candidates, was tabled due to lack of a quorum when several council members asked to be excused early to attend 12-step meetings.

The meeting adjourned to an executive session with a three-drink minimum at 7:15 p.m.

Other notes for the record:

Dawg Gone: After reviewing film of his team's first six games, Husky football coach Tyrone Willingham announced that, for the rest of the season, the team will only play first halves.

Speaking Of Which: Former Sen. Dan Evans, chair of a committee studying a renovation for Husky Stadium, laments that the U-Dub is hundreds of millions of dollars short in public donations for a major remodel. Maybe all those Tyees are saving up to pay for that bottomless-pit transportation package Evans is pushing.

One Modest Proposal: One option to make up some of the cash shortfall is to sell stadium-naming rights to a corporation — or perhaps to some alum or associate who's become fabulously wealthy thanks to the U-Dub. See you all in 2012 at Neuheisel Field.

Step Away From The Car, Please: A deadly, potentially fatal fungus has moved south from British Columbia into Whatcom County. It would have been there even sooner if not for that long series of pointless questions from Homeland Security officials at the Blaine border crossing.

Speaking Of Silly Searches: The Transportation Security Administration says it'll find a workaround to prevent pat-downs of passengers' turbans at airport-security checkpoints. Meanwhile, 2 billion or so of the rest of us will continue to pointlessly remove and replace our shoes.

Shrinks Call it "Projecting:" At a White House news conference, President Bush chided congressional Democrats for failing to get anything done for the American people. It was only a matter of time until he got around to talking about something he knows a lot about.

Tip To Lame-Duck Bush Media Handlers: If you have to call a news conference to insist that you're relevant, chances are pretty good that you're not.

We Can't Make This Stuff Up: At the conclusion of the Bush news conference, CBS immediately resumed its normal programming, The Early Show, which was right in the middle of a report about a "dung-recycling center" for elephants in Thailand. Said the host, on perfect cue, as the lights faded on the prez: "I'll never look at dung the same way again."

Walking The Talk: Michael Mukasey, President Bush's new nominee for attorney general, declined to tell Congress whether he thinks harsh interrogation techniques such as "waterboarding" constitute torture. Maybe they should call a recess, try it out on him, then ask him again.

One Question About The Baseball Playoffs: Why is Boston Red Sox slugger Manny Ramirez allowed to walk onto the field every day wearing a batting helmet that looks like it's spent the past 10 years at the bottom of an outhouse?

And Finally: 100 BNSF Railway workers descended on a major train-derailment site near Steilacoom Thursday, and a company spokesman said the railroad would be reopened by Saturday. Just asking: Can't we put those guys in charge of the endless I-5 project in Everett?

A section and Thursday's Northwest Weekend section. Email: rjudd@seattletimes.com