This Mother's Day, give mom a chance to take care of herself

Once again, it is that time of year when we honor our mothers and other women who have touched our lives in special ways.

Mothers are not perfect, but they are pretty remarkable. A recent study on what a stay-at-home mother would make if she used her skills in the marketplace put her compensation at $134,000. A mother who works outside the home would earn an additional $85,800. Numbers like that clearly indicate the monetary value of mothers. Yet, who can really put a dollar value on a mother's hug and kiss?

The $134,000 figure was calculated from salaries of comparable professions by compensation experts based in Waltham, Mass. The duties mothers provide, according to the study, are similar to those of housekeeper, day-care teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry-machine operator, janitor, facilities manger, van driver, chief executive and psychologist. No wonder mothers are often tired and lacking sleep!

With all that work to keep the family together, I wonder if the greatest Mother's Day gift would be a gift that mom gives to herself — the gift of self-care.

How about giving oneself the gift of time? Busy mothers deserve time to take a walk or to lounge in a hot bubble bath. With all the chauffeuring, cooking and cleaning mothers do, a welcome self-gift would be to block out two hours for reading, gardening or a pedicure.

Having mothers give themselves such treats would go against the commercialization of Mother's Day. Television, radio, and print media are filled with ads urging us to buy expensive gifts to show mother how much we love her. Contrary to popular belief, spending more is not a good measure of the depth of our gratitude and love. A $2 homemade arts-and-craft project from a 7-year-old can melt one's heart more than a meal at an overpriced restaurant.

In order for a mother to give herself the gift of self-care, she has to feel worthy. Her self-esteem has to be strong enough to withstand challenges from others in the family. When she makes a choice for herself, there will probably be a husband, partner or child whose bottom lip will drag from disappointment.

In their minds, if mom makes a choice for herself, that means she is not choosing them.

Moms who work outside the home face enormous challenges when it comes to self-care. Making a choice for self may mean telling the boss or office no. An internal struggle with guilt is likely to follow. The truth is, the decision to care for ourselves is also making a choice for those we love. If we are healthy, centered and rested, we are much better company to be around.

Often I have felt there just are not enough hours in a day to accomplish all that I want. Juggling the demands of work and home can test even the most resilient woman. Yet, each day we are given the gift of 24 hours. We can cram it full of things to do and resent that we cannot do it all, or we can gracefully move through the day giving thanks for being able to accomplish what we can.

Mothers are not perfect. Mistakes come with being human. On this Mother's Day, you may need to give yourself the gift of forgiveness. Life is too short to dwell on mistakes and unpleasant choices. If we have attempted to rectify our errors in judgment, then it is time to stop the self-flagellation, receive the gift of grace and move on.

Mothers are incredible and deserve to be pampered throughout the year, not just on the second Sunday in May. It is rare to find a love that is bigger than a mother's love for her child. It matters not how old we are; all other loves are measured by the love our mothers have for us.

A mother's love is remarkable in that it under-girds us even after our mothers are gone. A mother's love transcends death. We feel their presence just at the right moment — in times of challenge and celebration. Although our mothers may not physically be with us, we see them when we look in our mirrors. We speak to them, and we hear their voices in the wind and in our hearts.

The Rev. Patricia L. Hunter is an associate in ministry at Mount Zion Baptist Church and an employee-benefits specialist for American Baptist Churches in the USA. She and other columnists take turns writing for the Faith & Values page. Readers may send feedback to faithpage@seattletimes.com.