Old hearts found new love

Carl Bennett, 85, and Marge White, 74, of Issaquah stand out among their peers. They're newlyweds.

The couple met over a jigsaw puzzle at Providence Marianwood in Issaquah.

Both were daily visitors, with spouses living at the nursing home. Bennett's wife had Alzheimer's. White's husband had suffered a series of debilitating strokes.

They became better acquainted in the family support group. They were friends for several years. They had shared some horrific times together -- watching their respective spouses decline and die.

But it was Valentine's Day that sparked the romance.

She sent him a Valentine that said, "For a special person."

He decided he wanted more. They began dating but didn't talk marriage until Bennett was signing up for a retirement community. He talked about getting an apartment big enough for two people versus a bachelor unit.

"I told him not to count on me," she said.

That's when he wanted to seal the deal. He asked a daughter and she encouraged him by saying, "Go for it!"

So he did. White said yes.

They married at St. Andrew's Lutheran Church on Jan. 13.

"I'm feeling much comforted by being married," Bennett said, "Even if my friends kid me about being a cradle snatcher."

Although romance in the post-retirement set is common, second marriages are less so, say some experts on aging. Many older couples choose not to marry because they don't want to mix assets or lose pension, health insurance or Social Security money, said Sallie Foley, relationship columnist for the AARP and a University of Michigan sex therapist. But that doesn't mean they aren't romantic or sexually active.

"Love and passion know no age," Foley said.

Bennett and White did the financial research (she won't lose her pension from her deceased husband). Theirs is the only marriage out of Marianwood's support group; other retirement communities say weddings are rare.

Joan Carufel, marketing director at Horizon House in Seattle, said that in the last 14 years, only two couples have met and married; none recently. The wedding of a couple who met at Aegis Lodge in Kirkland garnered some media coverage last October.

"We've had no marriages here for at least five or six years," said Kay Wallin, a spokesperson at Emerald Heights in Redmond. "They don't happen often."

Sherry Grindeland: 206-515-5633 or sgrindeland@seattletimes.com