Mother's goal: stable life

Heroin took hold of Rebecca Leary when she was 19 and clung tightly.

It stuck with Leary while she ditched one drug-abusing boyfriend for another.

It accompanied her through three drug treatments and 10 detox attempts.

It coursed through her body even as it swelled with a baby.

Heroin's grip refused to abate until her treatment counselor warned Leary that she'd have to give up her unborn daughter.

"She scared me so bad, I stopped," says Leary, 30.

That was July 13, 2003. Leary hasn't touched heroin since.

Two weeks later, Leary gave birth to a dark-haired girl. Sadie Rae, however, was born addicted to methadone, a drug her mother was taking then and still takes to curb her heroin cravings.

Sadie Rae spent the first three weeks of her life in detox at Swedish Medical Center, where nurses wiped the newborn's sweaty face and squirted banana-flavored morphine into her mouth to numb her withdrawal pains.

Childhaven


The nonprofit agency's focus is preventing child abuse. It runs four therapeutic day-care centers. Last year, they took care of almost 500 traumatized or vulnerable infants and children. Also last year, the agency cared for 43 babies affected by their mother's drug use during the pregnancy. Its Crisis Nursery offers free emergency overnight child care for parents in crisis. Childhaven had $14.3 million in revenue in 2005. About half of the agency's operating budget comes from donors.

Agencies served by Fund For The Needy
The Salvation Army

Senior Services

Childhaven

Hopelink

Family Services

Atlantic Street Center

Youth Eastside Services

Treehouse

Asian Counseling & Referral Service

Kindering Center

Big Brothers Big Sisters

ASTAR (Autism Spectrum Treatment and Research) Center

A dependency-court judge allowed Leary to keep her newborn but ordered Sadie Rae into the drug-affected infant program at Childhaven, a Seattle nonprofit that cares for abused and vulnerable children.

Childhaven tries to ensure that Sadie Rae's rough start in life won't become a lifelong problem. Its therapeutic day-care center feeds the little girl two meals a day; attends to her medical, emotional and developmental needs; and coaches her mother on parenting skills.

Graduation ahead

Leary, for her part, is working hard to atone for her mistakes.

She secured a place for herself and Sadie Rae at Willows in White Center, a transitional-housing project for homeless mothers. She's studying to be a medical assistant at Seattle Vocational Institute and will graduate in June.

"I heard that medical assistants working in cosmetic surgeons' offices make 30 bucks an hour," Leary says in half disbelief.

Heroin used to devour that kind of money.

Always outgoing, Leary worked jobs — a barista, a drugstore cashier — mostly so she could feed a drug habit that consumed as much as $150 a day. When cash ran short, she pawned her possessions and her family's.

"I stole so much stuff from my poor family," Leary says, shaking her head.

Leary traces her descent into addiction to her aborted career in the Army. She joined after graduating from Edmonds-Woodway High School, dreaming of world travel and free college education. But knee problems cut her stint short.

"I was totally bummed out," Leary says. "I wanted that to be my future."

Leary's younger sister is serving in Iraq, and her father and grandfather were both in the military.

Leary returned home from basic training in South Carolina and fell for a guy with a heroin habit. Her boyfriend loved classical music — as had Leary's father, who died of cancer when Leary was 16 — and made her feel a connection to her father.

Leary eventually split with that man and met Sadie Rae's father. He, too, was a heroin addict. The couple tried to quit repeatedly during the next five years. But surrounded by drug-using friends and dealer acquaintances, sobriety eluded them.

At an Everett detox center, Leary learned she was pregnant after a routine pregnancy test. She began methadone treatment, hoping to quit heroin for good. But she kept injecting it and taking methadone until Sadie Rae was nearly full term.

"Honestly, I wasn't thinking about the baby," Leary says.

Heroin, she says, still beckons sometimes when she's feeling low. Six months ago, morose over Sadie Rae's father, who has a new relationship, Leary began drinking. And she thought about scoring some heroin. But she no longer had a dealer's phone number.

She worried about getting pulled over for drunken driving. And she thought about losing her place at the Willows and everything else that she and Sadie Rae had gained.

Leary credits Childhaven and especially her daughter's case manager, Veronica VanCouwenberghe, for keeping her from faltering. VanCouwenberghe is the confidant, counselor and cheerleader who helps Leary — and, ultimately, Sadie Rae — forge a healthy life.

Interaction classes

Leary and her daughter attend Childhaven's weekly parent-child interaction classes to manage Sadie Rae's defiance.

Therapists standing behind one-way mirrors whisper instructions into Leary's earphones to coax Sadie Rae to put away her toys and to heed her mother's commands.

VanCouwenberghe believes that the tumult during Sadie Rae's short life, including six months she spent in her paternal grandparents' care, has led her to shun her mother.

But Leary is determined to make the rest of Sadie Rae's life more stable.

"Now that I'm a mother, I don't know what I would do if Sadie started using drugs," Leary says. "Now I understand what my mother went through.

"They are so proud of me for being sober. I put them through hell."

Kyung Song: 206-464-2423 or ksong@seattletimes.com