Everyone in the pews understood. For they are caregivers, too, looking after aging loved ones who can't remember names, dates, how to make coffee or when to bathe. So it made sense that Thursday's seminar for caregivers was held at Seattle Unity Church. Theirs is selfless work that often cries for a higher power.

And if the 500 attendees learned anything, it was that they are not alone.

"This is like being in a roomful of friends," said Mia Pickering, 46, of West Seattle, who is helping her great aunt through her final days.

"For those of us who are baby boomers, this is the beginning of the rest of our lives."

In Washington state, an estimated 877,760 adults — 19 percent of the total adult population — provide unpaid care to an adult relative or friend, according to a 2004 AARP study. The average age of caregivers in Washington is 45; 40 percent are 50 or older.

I'm not quite there. My parents still live in the home they bought 32 years ago. My sister lives nearby. All is well. But all that could change quickly, forcing decisions that I regularly wave away like fumes from a bus I'd rather not board.

Many of my friends have, though. They tell me anguished tales of parents who easily get disoriented and worse, refuse to see a doctor.

So, on a day that Seattle Mayor Greg Nickels had declared "Family and Professional Caregiver Day," people met with experts in everything from long-term care insurance to mobility equipment.

And they murmured in agreement as Jacqueline Marcell, author of "Elder Rage: How to Survive Caring for Aging Parents," told of the last year caring for her parents, both with dementia. They died two years ago, within eight months of each other.

Marcell's audiences are primarily made up of middle-aged people raising their children while also caring for their parents.

They're called "The Sandwich Generation."

Lesley Yanak, 38, knows the term well, and not just because she works for Spring Hill Senior Living. She lives with her husband, year-old son, and her 81-year-old father and 74-year-old mother

"I'm helping with cars, Medicare, everything," Yanak said. "The roles are changing."

Marcell urged attendees to familiarize themselves with the 10 warning signs of Alzheimer's (www.elderrage.com), and offered tips on getting parents into assisted-living units, hiring caregivers, taking care of themselves.

To the woman who wanted to run away? Marcell told her to make a list of things that other family members could do to ease her burden: Could they take her car in for service? Grocery shop?

Around her, the people in the pews nodded. And more than a few grabbed for a tissue.

"We all know the outcome," Pickering said later. "But you take the path with dignity, grace and humor. And I do. I have to."

Nicole Brodeur's column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.

Reach her at 206-464-2334 or nbrodeur@seattletimes.com.

She'll tape some stories this summer.

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