Feminism: on board or overboard?

Eight days later, we are still talking about "the Dowd piece."

It was a hold-it-right-there essay on the state of feminism (whatever that is) by columnist Maureen Dowd in the Oct. 30 New York Times Magazine. The essay was adapted from Dowd's upcoming book, "Are Men Necessary: When Sexes Collide."

It explored women's struggles with dating rituals (to pay or not to pay?); the increasing switch from a career track to a mommy track (we have it all, but do we want it all?); and the mixed definition of beauty.

On Friday night, in a Belltown hair salon and art space called Vain, women of all ages, backgrounds and stages compared their reactions to the essay as if it were face lotion: cold at first, followed by a feeling of renewal for some and irritation for others, including me.

But the final word that night belonged to Gloria Steinem, who was at the event for Choice USA, the organization she founded in 1992 to cultivate a new generation of women leaders.

Steinem, now 71, was one of the first to say that things needed to change for women: equal pay, equal rights. Even whether we wore bras. And she supported those beliefs by co-founding Ms. magazine, a bible of the feminist movement.

Now Dowd is saying that things need to change again; that the road to equality has led us to a dead end of loneliness, confusion and exhaustion.

Steinem disagreed: "It was a silly, destructive article. She decided on her conclusion and accumulated anecdotes to prove it."

Consider, Steinem said, the column Dowd wrote last year, saying she hated Christmas because of the gifts she had lavished on men who are now living with other women. Meanwhile, Dowd said, "I'm no doubt still paying ... credit card interest charges."

"She sounds bitter and negative," Steinem said. "We're not doing anything wrong."

Dowd wrote of the uncomfortable dating ritual of paying the check: Women will offer to pay, but the men really should — if they want another date.

"She's complaining about dating habits as if that's everything the feminist movement was about," Steinem said. "It was also about getting date-raped, about not getting married out of economic need or pregnancy."

The essay, she concluded, "was the Olympics of silly."

I hesitated before I quoted her. Sure you want to say that?

Of course, she said. Women need to remember the rights that have been won, even if some waste them on their so-called "inner slut," Steinem said. Women in some countries can't show their face.

I am one of an increasing number of single mothers who pay child support. Does that make me resentful of the professional and economic strides women have made, and that I have benefited from?

There are moments. But who wants to go back?

One of Dowd's subjects suggested that feminists such as Steinem "went overboard."

If so, then there are millions of us who have happily jumped in behind her.

And I guess there will always be those who can't stand to get their hair wet.

Nicole Brodeur's column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Reach her at 206-464-2334 or nbrodeur@seattletimes.com.

Great things come from East Toledo.