Nicole Brodeur / Times staff columnist
Mary Cheney, say something

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But Mary Cheney may be telling us the most, without ever saying a word.

The lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney — really, the very idea of her — has become a lightning bolt, setting off small fires about gay rights, activism and privacy all over the political landscape.

And in her silence, Mary Cheney has given us a glimpse of a family trying to reconcile its politics with its heart.

That she is an openly gay adult with a partner is like a Civil War firearm handed down to the Cheneys. They admit to having it, and allowed us a glimpse or two before putting it away for safekeeping. Don't want anybody getting hurt, you know.

But if anyone else mentions it, or tries to handle it, God help them.

Sen. John Kerry cited Mary Cheney during the last presidential debate (the question was whether homosexuality is a choice), saying "... She is being who she was born as."

He was promptly attacked by both Republicans and Democrats, and President Bush went up eight points.

Kerry spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter defended her boss, saying he "was trying to show respect for what strong families do with this issue. They have supported their daughter."

Nice try. But I still think Kerry's comment was jarring.

More interesting, though, was how the Cheneys reacted.
 
Lynne Cheney called Kerry's remark "a cheap and tawdry political trick," and said that Kerry was "not a good man."

Is that anger, or shame? Or a political opening?

And Mary Cheney is saying nothing. The question is, why?

She could do wonders for her father's tough, calculated image by telling us of the day she no doubt knocked him off his elephant by coming out. She could shed warm light on his perceived coldness with stories of his support and understanding, and how he hired her to help run his campaign.

But then, why should she?

Mary Cheney is living the way gays and lesbians have long fought to live in America — quietly and on their own terms. Actions speak louder than words, right?

For that, though, she has become the stuff of sound bites. DontAmend.com, a gay activism group fighting the Federal Marriage Amendment, put up a Web site called DearMary.com. Its campaign depicts Mary Cheney on a milk carton. ("Have you seen me?")

Gay friends have wondered to me why Mary Cheney isn't always front and center with the rest of the clan. And why are Dick and Lynne Cheney so angry that Kerry would mention that they have a gay daughter?

"As if there is something wrong with having a gay daughter?" one friend asked.

But only one person is qualified to answer those questions. And she isn't talking.

It could be waste of words, or a wasted opportunity.

Nicole Brodeur's column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Reach her at 206-464-2334 or nbrodeur@seattletimes.com.

Hey Mary, that means you.