The wait, through his eyes

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In March, Slater ruminated on these thoughts:

"I was first diagnosed in 1997, so I have had a lot of time to consider love, hate, God, fate, time, life and the Big D — death. Some days, I see a world where everything is just as it should be. Other days, I curse the rotten luck, the passage of time and the lack of peace that passes beyond all understanding. ...

"Waiting is my new hobby. It's what I do every day. It's not a completely passive life, but it does color my world. That's why I paint with bright colors and grow masses of flowers and write red-hot letters of outrage to various pundits. ...

"Jack Nicholson once said to my acting class: 'Stay ready. You will get your shot.' I'm a pretty decent actor, so I'm acting at being ready. My bags are packed for that hurry-up trip to the hospital. But once there, I'll have to lay in bed and wait for everything to come together — for the papers to be signed and for the enema and for the speech that tells me to keep hope alive and for the goodbye thumbs-up to my wife. Then I'll be wheeled down the hall helpless and all too aware of the flip side of the night's activities: Some good person just died.

"I am not quite desperate enough. Not yet. I can wait.

"No, I can't.

"Yes, I can.

"Keep hope alive."

Copyright © 2004 The Seattle Times Company

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