Singles seeking political soulmates

By J. Patrick Coolican
Seattle Times staff reporter

COURTESY THE BARKER FAMILY Jennifer Stein Barker and Lance Barker of John Day, Ore., met through Concerned Singles, a dating service oriented toward people involved in liberal and progressive causes.

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"I won't date a Democrat. My parents have been married 43 years, and I want that someday. The liberals are a little bit more of the 'Whatever. Who cares about morals? Let's get stoned' attitude," she said.

After Lance Barker met Jennifer Stein Barker through a lefty dating service, he asked if she read Home Power magazine — the must-read of the renewable-energy community.

The very question filled her with longing. She had all the back issues.

"It was practically a done deal," she said of the man she would later marry.

The Barkers and Larson are part of the latest category in the ever-fragmenting world of dating, and online dating in particular: politics.

As always, uncoupled singles are seeking lovers like themselves. But instead of looking for a fellow Buddhist, or someone who shares a taste for Baudelaire, they seek a mate who will nod in silent agreement over the roast beef — or tofu — when they fulminate against the Hollywood liberals, or the corporate polluters.

Although the service the Barkers used has been around for a while, a whole slew of politically specific dating services has popped up on the Web in the past year, such as ConservativeMatch, DemocraticSingles.com and RepublicanSingles.com.

"I guess I understand it, but it's a bit strange," said Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington who studies relationships and dating. "It means your politics are so critical that it becomes a gatekeeper characteristic," similar to the "no drugs/no smokers" lines in personal ads.

Looking for agreement

Schwartz thinks the phenomenon is related to a larger political trend of polarization. Political beliefs have become so partisan and entrenched that people on opposite sides are less willing — or even able — to mix.
 
"We're not just satisfied to have someone who agrees with us some of the time, it must be all the time," Schwartz said. "We want someone who says, 'Right, correct, yeah.' "

That's what led Larson, 34, to ConservativeMatch. "I need to know right off the bat they feel how I feel about politics," she said. She doesn't like debate, she said.

ConservativeMatch tries to prevent liberal infiltration by requiring new members to agree to the following: "In good faith I consider myself a conservative and typically represent myself as such. I understand 'conservative' to mean 'someone who embraces values typically associated with political parties or ideologies such as Republicans, Libertarians, Constitutionalists, "Reagan Democrats" or similar parties from other countries.' "

The site asks hopefuls to describe themselves as moderate, conservative, very conservative or traditionalist, then asks if they agree with a series of statements including:

• "All men are created equal regardless of race, gender or nationality."

• "Sex outside of marriage is immoral."

Others ask about taxes, homosexuality and prayer in schools.

Larson, a 34-year-old nanny in Camas, Clark County, has had some success on the site, she said, but declined to provide details to protect the privacy of the men with whom she's corresponding. One advantage she has is a willingness to relocate: Her disgust with Democrats runs to the entire Pacific Northwest.

She feels besieged here, she said, by "liberal Subaru-driving women with unshaved armpit hair," adding that she may sound harsh because she feels she's in the minority.

Larson voiced a hopeful longing as old as humankind: "There's somebody out there."

Left-leaning singles

Jennifer Stein Barker was thinking the same thing back in 1990.

A friend introduced her to Concerned Singles, based in Lee, Mass., which matches men and women — and same-sex couples as well — who have left-wing inclinations and enthusiasms.

Rodelinde Albrecht founded Concerned Singles, which costs $72 per year and has about 1,200 members, about 20 years ago with her husband, Allan Black, who's now deceased.

"It's easy to feel isolated in certain political climates," she said, in explaining the company's founding. (She would meet her second husband through Concerned Singles; he later died as well.)

"A basis of communication on political science and philosophy was more important than a love for Chinese food and golf, or books and classical music," she said.

Living off the grid

That's precisely how Stein Barker felt.

"I needed to feel I was doing something to make a better future for the Earth. I had never had any trouble finding dates, but just having a good time wasn't enough," she said.

She was living off the conventional power grid, using a one-panel solar unit at a backcountry ski lodge north of Ellensburg, when she joined Concerned Singles in 1990. The sign-up process is less rigorous than that of ConservativeMatch, asking only for a 60-word description.

The first letter she received was from Lance Barker. He talked about how he lived in a solar-powered homestead. He was inclined toward health and wellness, and loved to ski.

And, of course, he asked about Home Power magazine. They were married in 1992 and live just south of John Day, Ore., where they run SolWest, the largest renewable-energy fair in the United States.

"I'm not going to say it was love at first sight or that we've never had an argument," she said of her marriage to Lance.

"But I have a great feeling of satisfaction knowing I share my life with someone who shares my values."

J. Patrick Coolican: 206-464-3315 or jcoolican@seattletimes.com