Gay group heads to PTA meeting

By Marsha King
Seattle Times staff reporter

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It was disappointed when the proposal — a workshop on anti-gay bullying — was rejected.

In a dizzying turn of events, the gay-advocacy group — Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) — was again welcomed and again disinvited "based on our members' conversations concerning lifestyle choices," as it was phrased in a letter from the PTA's deputy executive director last month.

As it turns out, PFLAG, with the blessing of the PTA, will be part of the convention when it opens Saturday in Anaheim, Calif.

"The mixed messages were striking," said Ron Schlittler , interim executive director of PFLAG. "It was clear there was some internal confusion."

The PTA's new Chief Executive, Warlene Gary, characterized the flap as a "poor choice of words" and "a miscommunication."

Way back in this story, there's even a Seattle connection.

Four years ago, PFLAG wrote to the National PTA seeking to work together to help educate PTAs and teachers on anti-gay bullying.

The Seattle PTA, which had just formed the first Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender Parent Teacher Student Association in the country, served as inspiration for the letter.

The National PTA never responded. Last year, the gay-advocacy group attended the PTA's national convention informally to spread the word about its work.

Months later, the National PTA called. Would PFLAG submit a workshop proposal for this year?
 
Surprised and pleased, PFLAG submitted "what we thought would be a good first session for them," wrote Schlittler in an e-mail to PFLAG members.

When the PTA rejected the proposal, PFLAG decided to rent a booth in the exhibit hall and sent in the rental fee of about $850.

The PTA wrote back in March. The group could have the space for free. Just apply and "we'll send you a confirmation letter. ... We're looking forward to having PFLAG in our exhibit hall."

Last month, the PTA withdrew its offer of a free table.

"This is to confirm our discussion regarding NPTA's decision to rescind NPTA's offer to you to participate in its 2004 national Convention," the letter began from Deputy Executive Director Gary Lacy.

"We were dumbfounded and dismayed," said Schlittler.

PFLAG decided to offer a "teach-in" at the hotel across the street from the convention, write a letter of disappointment and challenge to the PTA and to go public with the rejection.

"The PTA is a venerable institution. We couldn't stand by and not let them take it seriously," said Schlittler.

He phoned Gary, the new CEO.

"She genuinely and sincerely was coming personally from a place where she understands they need to start dealing with this issue," he said. "Because it isn't going to go away."

He added, "She must have done some quick work on her end."

Within days, the invitation — including the free booth and workshop — was reinstated.

Gary explained there had been a misunderstanding — which she wouldn't explain — over some PFLAG materials to be used in the conference.

PFLAG agreed to withdraw a standard booklet available on its Web site called "Be Yourself: Questions & Answers for Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender Youth." Schlittler said he doesn't know why the PTA wanted the item dropped.

Gary said that when she took the helm of the PTA in January, part of her job was to help it be relevant and reach out more to diverse communities.

The PTA stands for equity and knows that for children to learn, they must be in a safe environment free of harassment and violence, she said.

"It's a struggle to communicate decently and do it openly when you have people with a wide range of views," added Gary.

Schlittler's view? The PTA has some conservatives on the board who weren't happy with PFLAG's attendance.

The main thing, he said, is that Gary stepped in and handled it.

"She did a smart job."

In an e-mail, he urged PFLAG members to "send your words of thanks to the National PTA" for permitting PFLAG to participate in the convention.

PFLAG also hopes to make a presentation to the PTA's national board, he said: "so they can better understand where we're coming from, and we can better understand what their concerns are."

In 2000, Seattle started the nation's first and only gay and lesbian parent-teacher association.

"Everybody said, 'That is so fabulous,' " recalled Lisa Bond, then a regional PTA director and now president of the Seattle PTSA Council.

The National PTA also enthusiastically favored the move, saying Seattle was doing "exactly what we need to do to stay up with the times," said Bond.

But, just recently, that unique PTA folded. The group was based in the community and not a school.

In the end, it turned out to be easier to break down barriers than to sustain a clear mission. "It was a historical event. But there was no way to bring in new people," said Bond.

Marsha King: 206-464-2232 or mking@seattletimes.com