Danny Westneat / Times staff columnist
Uncovering a pointless complaint

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Seattle police did nothing.

This week, an 18-year-old named Patrick Satterwhite shed his gown after graduating from Bellevue's Newport High and danced off the stage at Seattle's McCaw Hall, wearing only sneakers and a smile.

This time, the Seattle police responded. They interviewed a witness and forwarded the case to city prosecutors, who are weighing charging the senior with indecent exposure. Because children under 14 were there, he could conceivably go to jail for a year.

Why go after the high-school kid and not a pack of naked adults? Are the cops selectively enforcing the law?

No, they say. Being nude in public is not a crime unless someone is offended enough to complain, says Kathryn Harper of the City Attorney's Office.

Nobody complained about the 50 nude bicyclists. But somebody was offended by Satterwhite and reported him to police, obligating the city to at least review it, Harper said.

That "somebody" was the Bellevue School District, says Paul Mills, a school-board member who attended the graduation and was not pleased by the sight of Satterwhite's "tattooed little butt."

"We make a report to the police whenever a crime is committed at a school-district function," Mills said.

The district also banned Satterwhite from returning to school property for four years.

All this makes me wonder: How can we make our society safe from people like this?
 
I don't mean those who shed clothes to get attention. I mean the adults who can't take a joke or distinguish between the law's letter and its spirit.

Pick an adjective for Satterwhite's stunt — obnoxious, disrespectful, juvenile. Some might say fun-loving. Whatever it was, it wasn't criminal.

Not only was it unnecessary to call police, but whoever did tried to paint Satterwhite as a perverted flasher out to infect the minds of children. The caller said Satterwhite "opened his gown and exposed himself to the entire audience of 1,200 to 1,500 people for about 5 seconds," says the police report.

The report adds ominously: "There were several children in the audience."

What really happened is he stripped and ran from the building while some students cheered. It was a prank, OK? It's a regular occurrence at some schools. At Seattle University, seniors race naked around the quad every June. And that's a religious school.

You can also be sure tomorrow's Fremont Solstice Parade will feature the naked body in all its flaccidity.

Why people do this, I have no idea. But who cares? Most children I know — such as my own — wouldn't be traumatized by a streaker. They'd dismiss them — or they'd want to strip naked themselves.

I trust the Seattle City Attorney's Office will make this pointless case go away. We hear so much about the government imposing a nanny state. This time we're counting on government to save us from nanny citizens.

Danny Westneat's column appears Wednesday and Friday. Reach him at 206-464-2086 or dwestneat@seattletimes.com.