Ways to tell you've totally "Lost" it

Apparently, you can't just watch TV anymore. You also have to watch the commercials, dial toll-free numbers, stay for the end of movie credits and READ BOOKS. What a ripoff.

It's all part of "The Lost Experience," ABC's new alternate-reality game designed to help "Lost" fans solve the show's mysteries or lose their sanity, and I'm putting my money on the latter. (Suckers!) But first, the actual episode, because we can't stop talking about it even a week later. All the postulating on the Internet and around water coolers about why Michael killed Ana Lucia and Libby — was he brainwashed? Or doing it for the Others in exchange for Walt? — doesn't matter. It's May sweeps and those two were to "Lost" what Lindsay, Zach, DJ and Alex were to the second season of "The O.C." In other words, they needed to die. Hallelujah! It feels like Chrismukkah.

This is where, as a "Lost" fan, you have to decide (as Heidi Klum would say) if you are "in" or if you are "out." Producers have decided to ramp things up by inserting a commercial for the fictional Hanso Foundation into last week's show, which contained a phone number that led viewers to a series of recorded messages. Some people like to call these messages "clues"; in fact, I believe them to be "gibberish." Also, the messages were partly in Danish. You can read the transcripts of all five recorded messages here: http://thelostexperienceclues.blogspot.com.

Meantime, Hyperion Books has released "Bad Twin," a mystery novel by Gary Troup, who was a passenger on "Lost's" Oceanic Flight 815. That's the manuscript Sawyer was reading before Jack threw it in the fire in last week's episode. Is this weird to anyone else? A real book by a fake TV character? Is this something Oprah would like to look into?

Finally, I saw "Mission: Impossible 3" over the weekend, mostly because it was directed by J.J. Abrams, one of the creators of "Lost," and also I wanted to see Felicity (Keri Russell) in an action movie. The final movie credit is a "thank you" to the Hanso Foundation, which reportedly created the island where the "Lost" survivors are stranded. So in case you were wondering if television has completely taken over my life, it has.

To that end:

"The Real Housewives of Orange County"

The housewives discuss Jo and Slade's breakup at Kimberly's BBQ. Kimberly: "She said she might bring a date." Lauri: "Is Slade coming?" Kimberly: "I don't think so. He broke up with her on Date Night. She said they're at different stages of life." Lauri: "Wow, I'm shocked. I mean, they looked like a cute couple. ... How old is Slade, again?" Whoaaa, slow down there, Denise Richards.

"Survivor"

So do you think Shane's son Boston was crying because he was happy to see his dad, or because his dad was trying to send him a message via wooden Blackberry on national TV? (8 p.m. Thursdays, KIRO)

The teams start going all "Survivor" on each other with the back-stabbing and the trash-talking. Eric and Jeremy cancel everyone's else's cabs. The Hippies start a rumor about Eric and Monica. Joseph looks really mad and threatens to beat up people. Yolanda on Ray: "I feel we're growing and we're learning because this is the longest we've ever been together. And it does take time to understand, 'Oh, that is the noise he makes when he brushes his teeth.' " Sigh. I love Yolanda and Ray. (8 p.m. Wednesdays, KIRO)

"America's Next

Top Model"

The girls pose with an elephant during a photo shoot in Thailand. Sara angers Joanie by copying her poses. Sara: "I thought it would be fun to balance on an elephant's foot for once in my life, you know?" Actually ... no. I don't. (8 p.m. Wednesdays, KSTW)

"8th & Ocean"

Britt, the preacher's daughter, tries to be modest at a photo shoot. "Do you think this is immoral?" she asks the crew while posing nearly topless against a red-lit wall. "Is this really bad?" Well, if she's talking about the show, then the answer is yes. (10:30 p.m. Tuesdays, MTV)

"Blow Out"

Jonathan reprimands one of his stylists for always being late. Late Michael: "I'm late because I'm fantastic, that's it. ... I mean, I was born late. I'm gonna be late again." Jonathan: "You know, man, here's the thing about Michael. He's cocky. He thinks he knows everything. To be quite honest with you, he's kind of like I was when I was his age." What? Jonathan, you're fired.

"Grey's Anatomy"

In: Scary and damaged. Five minutes ago: Jealous. Out: Heartbroken. (10 p.m. Sundays, KOMO)

Pamela Sitt: 206-464-2376 or psitt@seattletimes.com