Marriage matchmaking going strong online

Gujarati parents of 25-year-old Brahman boy, NRI (nonresident Indian) living in the United States, working in management, seek suitable match with Brahman girl.

Send photo and biodata.

It wasn't how Dhaval Thaker, 27, expected to meet his wife. Born in India but raised in Artesia, a suburb southeast of downtown Los Angeles, Thaker assumed he would find his soul mate on his own.

But two years ago, while Thaker was in India, his parents posted a matrimonial ad in a local newspaper. About 30 women, or rather their parents, sent him their matrimonial résumés. Thaker initially objected, but his parents insisted. It was tradition.

"To me, biodata is just a piece of paper with information," Thaker said. "I didn't really believe in it."

Part résumé, part personal ad and part family tree, biodata can cut through the time-consuming process of finding a spouse by turning it into something akin to a job interview: What are his qualifications? Is she a good match? What is his income potential?

Used primarily by South Asians in arranged marriages, biodata emphasizes compatibility, education and family history, including caste, more than romance. There are also physical factors to be considered, such as complexion and, occasionally, blood type.

Even among assimilating South-Asian Americans such as Thaker, the exchange of biodata is popular. Some believe the tradition is on the rise, in part because of the rapid pace of modern life and the increasing popularity of matrimonial Web sites.

Thaker, a manager at an Artesia ice-cream shop, remembers feeling frustrated after interviewing numerous spousal candidates whose biodata proved less than interesting. But there was one résumé that appealed to the former disc jockey. It was from a Patel woman (a lower caste than Brahman), who seemed outgoing and loved music.

"She was probably the last one (I saw)," Thaker said of Jignasa. "It was like love at first sight. ... I was like, whoa!"

That was Sept. 15, 2006. Less than two months later, they were married in India.

Not getting any younger

For those who share Thaker's initial reluctance, meeting prospective spouses either through the exchange of biodata or with the help of their parents can become increasingly attractive with age.

"A lot of people that might have been against it in their early 20s rationalize it in their 30s, when they realize that it's no different than a personal ad," said Purnima Mankekar, a women's- and South-Asian-studies professor at the University of California, Los Angeles.

Generations ago, South Asian marriages were less complicated; people married neighbors or distant relatives. As India became more urbanized and people moved abroad to work, families found themselves in unfamiliar communities where finding compatible spouses became trickier, Mankekar said.

Relatives and friends turned into matrimonial search parties, and the cross-country exchange of biodata became more common.

Unlike personal ads and popular Internet dating Web sites that rely heavily on personal information, biodata largely is focused on family history, Mankekar said. That's because it is based on the premise that marriage is not a union between two individuals but between two families.

Rhythm Shah, 28, hoped to meet a wife while attending San Jose State University in Northern California. But after graduation, he was still single.

Encouraged by friends and family, he drafted his own biodata and posted it on www.shaadi.com, a popular matrimonial Web site based in India.

"What else can you do?" Shah said. "Finding a life partner, you can't do that in a club."

Shaadi, which means "wedding" in Urdu, was founded by Anupam Mittal in 1997 after he met a marriage broker in India who went door to door carrying biodata in his suitcase. Mittal figured an online forum would increase a person's chances of finding the right person. Today, the Web site says it has more than 12 million users and has produced more than 800,000 marriages.

Despite being able to chat or use the "express interest" button with other singles, the Web site's profiles diverge little from what has been exchanged on paper for decades. Among the "about me" and "hobbies" sections are the more traditional questions about family values and parents' education, Hindu horoscope signs, married siblings and mother tongue.

Some seek own mates

Although biodata is associated primarily with arranged marriages, the increasing popularity of matrimonial Web sites, such as www.matrimonials.com and www.southasiancupid.com, has prompted some singles to post their own information.

Others think serving as their own matchmaker carries a whiff of desperation. For those people, allowing parents to post anonymous matrimonial ads might be preferable.

That was the case with Madhu Fehgal's 25-year-old daughter, who opposed having her personal information made public on a Web site. Her daughter, who works in recruitment for a New York financial company, wanted to settle down and had exhausted other options.

"It sounded weird to her," Fehgal said. "Well, I explained to her that I cannot grow a boy if she does not let me advertise. She finally agreed."

"Parents seeking match for 25/(5-foot-7-inch) beautiful, professional, open-minded NJ based girl. E-mail with details," read the ad Fehgal posted recently in India Abroad.

Although it didn't mention any prerequisites for potential responders, Fehgal said her daughter would prefer a tall, family-oriented man who lives near New York. Other matrimonial ads are more direct, describing the parents' best-case scenario for a future son- or daughter-in-law.

"Highly educated North Indian Hindu parents seek intelligent, tall, handsome, USA born/raised, nonsmoker, 28-34, caring, family oriented, accomplished professional with strong moral values for their daughter," read another ad in the same newspaper.

Parental urging

Monya De, 29, a physician in Redondo Beach, Calif., had a brief encounter with biodata during her last year of medical school, when her parents urged her to let them respond to a matrimonial ad for a Bengali orthopedic surgeon.

The experience reinforced her idea about two people meeting on their own, although she acknowledged that about half her friends still use biodata.

De said the problem is that the information is written by parents, for parents.

The orthopedic surgeon's biodata was a list of achievements, clearly prepared by his parents: It referred to him in the third person.

"His parents want to sell my parents first and foremost," she said. "When all I want to hear is, does this guy have a sense of humor?"

The use of the computer to check on potential dates and the rise of social-networking sites show that biodata isn't as foreign a concept as it might seem.

Anna John, a blogger who grew up in Northern California, said she posted her data on Shaadi.com a few years ago. Although she found the process too traditional for her, she is hesitant to criticize it.

"To me, Facebook seems a lot like biodata. I mean, how's that really different?" she said, noting that both are carefully prepared profiles. "I really think we're going to get to the point where aunties are telling so-and-so, 'Check out this person's Facebook page.' "