Smart strategies for the bigger-than-average brood

Sometimes Meagan Francis will run into another parent when she's out with her family of six. With eyes agog and one or two kids in tow, the parent will ask: "How do you do it with four?"

"The biggest surprise is that it doesn't take four times as much time or money," said Francis, a Chicago-based writer with four boys. "It's not mathematical like that."

Francis, 30, doesn't pull any punches, though. In her new book, "Table for Eight: Raising a Large Family in a Small-Family World" (Alpha Books; $14.95), Francis makes clear there are certain things you give up when you have a larger family.

Like peace and quiet. Giving the washing machine or dishwasher a day off. Or getting all the kids to nap at the same time — something Francis says hasn't happened for her since 2002.

"My kids don't have their own bedrooms, don't have as many new toys, don't get enrolled in as many activities, don't get as much one-on-one time," Francis said.

"But they gain this foursome that will be in their lives for the rest of their lives — family ties that can't be underestimated."

Francis writes about family and wellness issues for magazines such as Parenting, Yoga Journal and Child. She also is founder of a Web site, largerfamilies.com.

For her book, Francis interviewed a number of families with as many as 11 children to create a practical guide with tips on everything from meal planning to transportation for a crowd.

There's even a section on snappy comebacks to the rude comments strangers sometimes direct at large families:

"Don't you know what causes that?"

"Yes — and it appears I'm getting more of it than you are."

Francis takes issue with popular stereotypes of larger families — that they're irresponsible, or uneducated, or always very religious.

The latest rap on big families: They're ruining the planet. A recent article in Slate magazine was headlined, "Global swarming: Is it time for Americans to start cutting our baby emissions?" It suggested cutting the birth rate to one child per couple.

Having a larger-than-average family isn't for everyone, Francis agrees. The logistics alone can be daunting — Francis's family goes through two dozen eggs a week, and she does at least one load of laundry almost every day. The dishwasher usually runs twice a day.

But Francis said the environmental impact of larger families isn't exponentially larger. There are economies of scale with a larger family — it doesn't cost any more to transport six people than four — and she tends to shop less now and use hand-me-downs more.

Francis believes there's evidence of a small trend toward larger families, especially among more affluent families. Some media reports have called four "the new three."

Going from one child to two was the hardest transition for Francis. "I had so much of myself poured into my oldest," she said. "For me, going from two to three, I really eased up on my expectations of myself, of my kids."

She believes as families have gotten smaller, the bar has been raised on what constitutes good parenting.

"There's an element of truth there: You can't raise four kids the same way you would raise one," she said.

But the expectation that parents serve as social coordinators, schedulers and playmates for their kids, endlessly available to meet all their needs, "isn't always good for kids, either," she said.

"They have each other as playmates, and there's always something funny happening," Francis said of her boys. "It's cool to see how they affect one another — it's not just me making a mark on them."

Francis and her family recently moved to Chicago from her native Michigan and bought a larger home with four bedrooms.

She and her husband assumed the two oldest boys, ages 9 and 8, would want separate bedrooms now that they're getting older.

To their surprise, the two boys chose to stick together.

The fourth bedroom is now a guest bedroom. "We hardly ever go in there," Francis said.