Grandparents get support parenting second time around

Every Thursday night, a group of about 20 people gather in Seattle's Rainier Beach neighborhood to talk about raising their grandchildren.

Called the Rainier Beach Grandparents and Kinship Caregivers in Action, these people never expected to be the primary caregivers for their children's children, and many can barely afford it.

Fai Mathews, who participated in the group before becoming its program assistant, recalls many evenings spent crying to the group about the financial hardship of caring for her four grandchildren for more than a year.

"I was always in tears and falling apart," she said.

Talking about those problems and taking part in other group activities helped tremendously, Mathews said.

"It's truly a support group beyond all others I've been part of," she said.

Lifting people's spirits is key for this program at the Atlantic Street Center, an agency that serves mostly low-income and black families and receives money from The Seattle Times Fund for the Needy.

Many grandparents are upset when they first start coming, Mathews said, "so angry at the world, not smiling and not going out doing anything."

They begin to perk up after attending the two-hour weekly meetings, doing volunteer projects with other participants and going on group outings, such as walks and movies and the fair, often with their grandchildren.

Participants sometimes visit each other in the hospital, care for one another's grandchildren, and call one another when they need a sympathetic ear.

Most members are in low-income families, but they don't have to be. And family members who are caregivers but not grandparents are also welcome, Mathews said.

Marsha Miles takes care of her 1-year-old grandson, Toussaint, because her son is in prison and her daughter-in-law has been having problems.

"I don't have the energy I used to, but he keeps me young," Miles said. "He's given me the gift of patience."

She finds the group "a good place to vent" and has given back by sharing information she knows about Medicare guidelines and working with children who have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.

The group invites guests to speak on various subjects, from money management to menopause and nutrition. One night they had facials, and another time someone spoke from Al-Anon, a support group for family members and friends of alcoholics.

Twice a month, mental-health therapist Toni Russell spends time with the group.

At one meeting in early December, Russell encouraged members to talk more about the shooting of one of their grandsons.

"They're dropping our youth pretty regularly," someone lamented.

Russell said there are cities where nothing happens to stop black-on-black violence.

"We end up having to do a lot of the work ourselves," she told the group.

That night, people also shared happy Thanksgiving stories and discussed Christmas plans, including an upcoming party and gift exchange within the group.

Atlantic Street provides child care while members meet and transportation for those who need it.

"This is the place we can express ourselves," said Vilma Carver, who is raising two grandchildren after their mother — her daughter — died in 2003. "You learn something about how to handle depression, about parenting the kids."

Melissa Allison: 206-464-3312 or mallison@seattletimes.com