Dear Jan: My 7-year-old son is uncomfortable around a classmate who has a noticeable physical disability. What can I say to him to get him over his fears?

— A parent

Dear Parent: From birth, children look for consistencies in their environment. At 5 months old, children know that people move themselves around a room and that chairs don't. People pick up chairs and move them. So then if a child sees a person sitting in a wheelchair and the wheelchair moves the person around, the child seeing this occurrence for the first time is taken aback, not knowing about this particular phenomenon.

Humans are efficient learners. They size up quickly how people typically walk, talk and move. When children realize how most people walk, talk and move and that they do so with some predictability, then children don't need to learn about each person each time they see a new face or body. They rely on what they've deemed typical and generalize that information quickly to new people and situations. By doing so, they feel safe around a variety of individuals.

So when a person walks, talks or moves differently, children, and even some adults, are drawn to see just how that person is different. A child will stare until he realizes just what those differences are all about. People with differences initially perplex those who see them for the first time. Soon, as the differences become familiar, a person focuses on their similarities and commonalties as they shed those fears or uncomfortable feelings.

I remember the first time my daughter, age 3, noticed a person in a wheelchair. It happened at a grocery store while I was paying the cashier. My daughter walked up to the person and asked, "Why are you in that chair?" I wanted to rush over and stop her, but then I paused. I realized the woman in the wheelchair was gratified that my daughter had inquired about her disability, and she thoughtfully responded, explaining that she had cerebral palsy and couldn't walk on her own. This one encounter put my daughter on the path to lessening any fears regarding people who get around differently than most.

The more a person understands and is around a broad spectrum of people with untypical behaviors or disabilities, the easier it gets. Therefore, it is up to you to embrace your son's discomfort and fear by facing this child and others with disabilities. In time, your son will broaden his comfort zone.

Here are some ways to quicken the process:

• Invite this child and others who are disabled to your home.

• Read your son stories that include children who are different than he. Start with "What Was I Scared Of," by Dr. Seuss.

• Watch movies with stories about people with disabilities.

• Model approaching and interacting with people with disabilities.

• Affirm your child's fears and then offer information about various syndromes and birth defects.

• Talk up the similarities between all children rather than focusing on their differences.

• Teach your child to offer the disabled child assistance.

• Encourage your child to approach the disabled child with questions.

• Help your child find commonality — a hobby or interest — between him and the disabled child.

The bottom line: Communicate to your child with words and actions that the world is made up of a broad spectrum of individuals, and that by getting to know this classmate his life will be enriched. You must hope, too, that the disabled child will accept your child's unique personality and appearance.

Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111.

More columns at www.seattletimes.com/columnists