Chivalry — etiquette, civility — is often said to be dead: Vice President Dick Cheney hurls an expletive at a U.S. senator; Teresa Heinz Kerry tells a reporter to "shove it"; public-address announcers commonly must remind sports audiences to remove their hats for the playing of the national anthem.

If chivalry isn't outright deceased, it's not in the best of health, in the opinion of Beth Ann McLane-Clark, who teaches manners to children and adults.

Families don't sit down to dinner together as often these days, she says, and that's a big reason people don't have such good manners anymore. "It's more than just table manners," she says. "It's learning to speak to each other, to listen to your elders. You learn to share, and work on your conversational skills."

McLane-Clark recently moved to Indianapolis from Miami, where, as director of special events at the Vizcaya Museum, she coordinated the Reagans' 1987 meeting at Vizcaya with Pope John Paul II and, later, President Reagan's meeting with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles.

Upon returning to the heartland, McLane-Clark became an etiquette consultant and soon was hired by a car dealer looking for some polish. She posed as a buyer. At one point a salesman led her to a table to close the deal — and immediately blew it. "He sat down first," Clark says, "and I pulled up my own chair and sat down. Then he took a cellphone call.

"You think, 'How obvious.' But many people don't know."

The mistake etiquette consultant Beverly Randolph-Engebretsen most often sees involves introductions: They're either incomplete or in the wrong order. "They'll say, 'Bob this is Joe, Joe this is Bob.' " Which isn't enough. They'd do better to give the new acquaintances some background information of common interest, to give them something to talk about. Example: Joe's expertise was instrumental in getting us out of that jam with the oil spill (business setting); or Joe here's a big fisherman, too (social setting).

The proper order of introduction is: The less prominent person is introduced to the more prominent person, or the younger person is introduced to the older person. "It's 'Mr. and Mrs. Greater Authority, I would like to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Lesser Authority,' " Randolph-Engebretsen explains.

Purdue University's course, Golf: For Business & Life, prepares students not just to swing a club but to be at home on a golf course. The lessons: Knowing golf etiquette — keeping still when somebody's hitting, avoiding stepping on a ball's line — leads to better schmoozing. (Last fall, for the first time, one section was reserved for MBA students; it filled up quickly.)

"People are becoming more aware there's a need" for etiquette training, says Randolph- Engebretsen. In today's business setting, she says, etiquette is "gender-neutral," but in social settings it's appropriate for a man to get the door for a woman.

The blame for the breakdown sometimes is assigned to the women's liberation movement of the 1970s. That's unfair, if somewhat understandable, says Jill Chambers, a leader in getting the Indiana General Assembly to pass the Equal Rights Amendment, in 1977. In the movement's early days, Chambers says, "there were plenty of people angry over men holding the door. But they were really angry because of other things — being paid less, not getting promotions." But the door was "an easy target," for detractors.

As far as a man holding the door for her these days, "it's fine," says Chambers. "But if they have to skip ahead, that's kind of silly."