Family members asking why you're not seeing so-and-so anymore. Dinner parties with couples. Ringing in New Year's with Regis. Yes, it can be challenging to fly solo during the holidays. Especially when you realize Valentine's Day is nigh.

Many singles make New Year's resolutions to be proactive about dating, says Kathleen Roldan, director of dating at Match.com. As a result, online dating sites see a surge in new members from Jan. 1 through Valentine's Day.

But one of our readers wanted to know: How do you pick a trustworthy match-making Web site?

"I encourage ... sites with lots of people ... They wouldn't be there if they're bad sites," said Eve Hogan, a relationship adviser for dreammates.com.

According to Nielsen//NetRatings' most recent data, Myspace.com, Match.com, Yahoo! Personals at www.yahoo.com, AmericanSingles.com and Eharmony.com are some of the most-visited online dating sites.

Hogan recommends choosing a site that charges for its services; most are about $25 a month. Paying provides some security. People who are creepy are less likely to pay to be creepy, and sleazy people will be bounced by monitors. Pay sites also keep away married people who don't want to leave paper trails and kids pretending to be adults.

If you're not interested in the big, generic supermarkets of online dating, get specific. There are hundreds of sites catering to shared interests.

Most sites let you read member profiles before joining. Check out several sites and then pick one that feels right, said Roldan.

If you join, include a clear head shot (not a glamour shot or photo with an ex cut out). Create funny or eye-catching headlines, and be as specific as possible when describing yourself and what you're looking for. Always spell check.

Some sites pair members using online personality tests to find good matches. Others allow members to e-mail back and forth and set up their own dates. Advisers recommend talking by phone before going on actual dates, then meeting in public places and arriving separately. And if things ever get uncomfortable, cease communication and move on.

J.J. Jensen: 206-464-2761 or jjensen@seattletimes.com