Search for love is a pricey one

By Jennifer Openshaw
CBS MarketWatch

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LOS ANGELES — When a man goes on a date, he is often thinking about more than just flowers and dinner. That is why, when it comes to the search for love, he may be spending more than women in some categories.

While women's spending habits tend to be a bit more subtle and focused on love and romance, men's expenditures appear more obvious and often lean toward satisfying their libido as much as finding romance. And the $114 average cost of a date doesn't even begin to account for those expenditures. Think Viagra.

Still, there are surprising similarities in what the sexes are spending in their pursuit of intimacy.

Men, for example, are increasingly willing to devote big dollars to looking good — an area once thought to be the domain of women, and perhaps gay men. According to an FHM Grooming Survey, men spend nearly $1,000 a year on grooming products — moisturizers, self-tanning lotions, hair products and the like — double the amount spent three years ago.

The same survey also found 32 percent of men spend more on grooming products than their female partners. Also, a growing number of male baby boomers age 40 to 58 are turning to plastic surgery to keep themselves looking good, accounting for nearly 15 percent of all procedures, according to the American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgery.

Despite the increased attention and investment that men are making in their appearance, there's still a strong taboo against talking about it, according to a study by the National Consumers League. The NCL found a whopping 80 percent of the men surveyed were reluctant to discuss what they spend on making themselves attractive to the opposite sex.

Polishing your image

While men are leading the way in the online-dating revolution, with nearly 90 percent of all users being male, men are also far and away more likely to spend their money on other creative means in order to find that perfect someone. Two examples: signing up with a professional matchmaker, which can cost thousands of dollars, or employing the services of an image consultant for a range of prices.

If you're looking for a professional matchmaker, ask for references with phone numbers or, ideally, go through someone you know. Also, hold part of your payment until all services are rendered to be sure you actually get what you paid the big bucks for. Be sure this is reflected in any written contract.
 
When it comes to boosting your image, you have a few options.

At the Appearance Club, for example, you can get an online "Professional Image Analysis" for $95 that it claims will "help you create the right image to find the perfect mate."

Or if you are willing to pay a bit more and live in a major metropolitan area, such as New York, you can seek the personal attention of a First Impressions consultant with an advanced degree in psychology who will assess your social skills after going on a "date" with you.

You should be a little skeptical of online services when it comes to image enhancement. A better alternative might be to find a friend with style and ask him or her to counsel you in dress and/or lingo.

Remember, though, that image is just that: image. If you are trying to be something you are really not, it will catch up with you. If, on the other hand, you need a third party to provide some objective guidance, it may be just what you need to show off some of your hidden assets.

The X factor

One area where spending by men far outweighs that of women is in the sex-related category. For example, you need only look to Viagra pitchman Bob Dole or Levitra spokesman Mike Ditka to understand that erectile enhancing drugs are big business, more than $1 billion annually. And even a company like Arm & Hammer, which is known for its baking soda, derived more than $400 million in sales from its Trojan brand of condoms.

But the real 800-pound gorilla in this category is adult entertainment. In fact, thanks to the Internet and the profit motive of corporate America, the estimated annual worldwide revenue for adult-entertainment products and services tops $57 billion, according to TopTenReviews.

X-rated entertainment has become so prevalent that the pornography industry has grown into a $10 billion to $12 billion business in the United States. According to an ABC News investigative report, more is spent on pornography than on the NFL, the NBA and Major League Baseball combined.

Despite the growth in female consumers of adult entertainment, it is still a decidedly male pastime. For example, of the 40 million U.S. adults who regularly visit one of the Web's 4.2 million adult sites worldwide and spend $2.5 billion annually, 72 percent are male and 28 percent female.

For love and money

For those who feel they may be spending an excessive amount of time and money on adult entertainment, you may want to check out the Yahoo Directory on Pornography Addiction.

When you combine 86 million single Americans with their need to connect with others — either out of love or lust — you have a major spending frenzy. It is no wonder that hundreds of billions of dollars are spent on products and services — everything from self-help books and hair restoration products to lingerie, makeup and adult videos.

Given the human condition, along with the profit motive of a free-market economy, it seems unlikely that much can be done to curb spending in the pursuit of love, even in some of the more questionable areas.

To paraphrase a popular credit-card commercial: "Membership in an online dating service — $19.95; an attractive new hairstyle — $45; services of a professional matchmaker — $15,000; a longterm, loving, mutually respectful and fulfilling relationship — priceless."