When mourning leads to amore

By Mekeisha Madden
The Detroit News

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A baby boomer sits in a funeral chapel mourning the loss of his wife. A female friend from the past comes and consoles the newly widowed man, giving him a shoulder to lean on.

As time passes, the two become closer. A year later, they become husband and wife.

Paul Connell tells this story because he knows the tale, and similar ones, very well. Connell has seen his share of romance. Consider him a love connection from the dark side. As co-owner and funeral director of the A.J. Desmond & Sons mortuary businesses in Royal Oak, Mich., Connell is privy to love connections made among the living in funeral — not wedding — chapels.

"Love does happen at funerals," says Connell, who also works as a funeral director. "Funerals can be reunions for some. People get introduced or re-introduced all the time and they find each other."

Anyone who has ever attended a wedding or seen the movie "Four Weddings and a Funeral" can attest that people connect at weddings all of the time. From flings to full-blown marriages, the allure of amour is expected and anticipated at weddings, especially among Gen-Xers.

But love is a funny and fickle thing, say those who have found love at funerals, and one can never tell where love will be found.

Come here often? Do you think funerals are an odd place to meet that special someone? Perhaps you should read "Guerrilla Dating Tactics: Strategies, Tips, and Secrets For Finding Romance" by Sharyn Wolf. Here are other unlikely places and ways to meet a mate, according to the author: - When someone dials the wrong number. - At a cemetery. - Walking in the rain. - Asking for directions on the street. - A greeting-card store, bookstore or grocery store. - Donating blood. - Begging for change. - Travel agencies. - Carrying around a camera or sketchbook.

The concept of finding funeral love is not so uncommon. In "Guerrilla Dating Tactics: Strategies, Tips, and Secrets for Finding Romance" (Plume, $13.95) author Sharyn Wolf encourages singles to consider funerals when looking for that special someone. In the musical comedy "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change," two senior citizens, a widow and a widower, find love in a sketch called "Funerals Are For Dating."

Then, of course, there is real life where husband and wife Ev and Eugene Williams met and fell in love at a funeral. The couple met at a funeral home in Detroit where Eugene worked as a janitor and Ev was attending a service. The couple has been married for 14 years.

"I didn't like funeral homes, but I was there to console a friend," Ev Williams, 34, says. "I went to the side door to get some fresh air and Eugene came up and started talking to me and everything started from there. You never know."

Yvette Clark, 40, attended the funeral of a friend's friend. There she met the surviving brother of the man in the casket. Although the two are no longer together, they dated for almost three years and had a daughter.

"I didn't go to the funeral to meet anyone, but it happened," Clark says.

Grief counselor Barbara Feleo says there are similarities between romances sparked at weddings and those sparked at funerals.

"There is a certain amount of vulnerability and nostalgia found at both events," says Feleo, who works at a Desmond & Sons funeral home, has 25 years of counseling experience and heads a support group. "People start to question the meaning of life at funerals, and at weddings people look at the bride and groom admirably, wanting to emulate what they've seen.

"In both instances, emotions are running high. For widows and widowers, finding love again at all can be puzzling. They aren't sure if they want to go through that kind of pain again. So if they find love at all, anywhere, it's a big deal."

For funeral purists such as Krikor Seferian, funerals should remain romance-free zones.

"Death is the most serious thing that will happen to you," says Seferian, 56. "If people come and disrespect your funeral by looking for love, that is an awful thing.

"If it's accidental, then good luck to you. But if you go to funerals to meet people, you should be ashamed of yourself. You should respect the dead. Funerals are not bars."

As for Connell, the unintentional cupid in a mortician's suit, he'll continue to use his monotone Ben Stein-like voice to tell unusual love stories that unfold before him.

"These are good stories," Connell says. "And everybody loves a good love story."

Copyright © 2004 The Seattle Times Company

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