Parenting / Jan Faull
Love, trust will ring a bell with kids

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Cellphones are tools for parenting children safely today, but they are not foolproof and nothing takes the place of a well-established parent-child relationship based on love and trust.

As a parent, you need the confidence and knowledge that your children have the experience and intellectual judgment to manage the environments in which they're placed, only using the cellphone as a backup.

The mobile phone is neither a baby-sitter nor a watchdog. Its protective uses are limited to the skill and willingness on the part of the child to carry it and use it wisely, coupled with the parent's knowledge that the child will do so. Once these understandings are in place, then parent and child can rely on them.

If there's a breakdown in the parent-child relationship, an escalating game of cat and mouse involving the phone could escalate. Most children are more techno-savvy than their parents; the child will win every time.

Cellphones won't substitute for hands-on protection by parents. Make sure they're not offering false parenting protection.

Yes, some phones come with a Global Positioning System. If children get into trouble, they could call 911 and be easily located.

If parents subscribe to an additional service, a child could be found by using the home computer.

There is even a program that will alert parents if their child travels outside what's called "geofencing." Sounds good, but if a child was abducted, all the abductor would need to do is toss the phone out the car window and the child would not be traceable. If teens want to give their parents the slip, they can turn the phone off or leave it somewhere.

A technical device will never take your place when overseeing your children's whereabouts. It is you who your children need watching them.

 
Jan Faull, a specialist in child development and behavior, answers questions of general interest in her column. You can e-mail her at janfaull@aol.com or write to: Jan Faull, c/o Families, The Seattle Times, P.O. Box 70, Seattle, WA 98111.