Tips for keeping children happy at weddings

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Be prepared to bail out if children get fussy or antsy. Try to find a seat near the exit.

Don't ignore a child's whispers. They'll just get louder.

If children need coloring books or games as distraction during the ceremony, they probably shouldn't attend.

Read books about weddings and talk about good behavior so kids know what to expect.

Remind children they shouldn't wave or speak to members of the wedding party as they come down the aisle.

Dress children appropriately but comfortably. Scratchy clothes will not encourage quiet sitting.

Children should stay with parents and not run around unsupervised. They go through the buffet line with parents unless there is a separate kids room.

Review basic dining etiquette (such as take items you touch from buffet dishes).

Tips for the bride and groom
 
It's an all-or-nothing deal with kid guests. Children cannot be invited selectively; if a sister's children are welcome, than a friend's should be as well.

The proper way to invite adults (but not children) is to include only the parents' names on the inside envelope. Do not say "Please, no children" on invitations. Some etiquette advisers say it's acceptable to note "Reception for adults only;" others say it's tacky.

What if guests ignore your wish and write on the response card that they're bringing children along? Call immediately and explain that space and/or monetary limitations prevent you from inviting children. "The breach of etiquette is theirs, not yours," notes "Emily Post's Weddings."

And if extra pint-sized guests appear at the wedding itself? Drop it and focus on enjoying your day.

Ask caterers about child discounts or child meals if you'll have a number of tots attending.

If you have out-of-town guests with children, consider hiring a local sitter. Guests might be more comfortable leaving children with someone the bride or groom knows and trusts.

For following directions and avoiding stage fright, age 4 is the youngest recommended for flower girls/ringbearers. Seat parents as close to the altar as possible so they can give instructions or remove children if necessary.

Have a backup plan for an adult to spirit crying/energetic/sleepy children out before they become disruptive.

Parents of children in the wedding party are responsible for buying their children's clothing.

Tips for involving one's own children

Schedule an afternoon wedding so young children will be at their best.

Include children in the wedding party (flower girl, ring bearer), honor attendant (junior bridesmaid or groomsman) or usher. Some parents have children escort them down the aisle (but kids should not "give away" their parents).

Ask children to pass out hymnals or programs before the ceremony, or flower petals or birdseed to throw after the reception.

Order special flowers for them to wear, such as a wrist corsage or boutonniere.

Include their names in the ceremony program or mention their names during a special prayer.

After parents exchange rings, invite children to come to the altar for a family affirmation. Parents might use two candles to light a unity candle.

Older children could play a piece of music or sing a song.

Have a designated sitter for young children so parents aren't distracted or worried during the ceremony and reception.

Brief the photographer on special or sensitive family issues.

Offer children seats of honor at the head table.

Give each child a gift to commemorate the occasion.

Plan a two-part honeymoon; first a couple getaway, then a family trip.

Sources for this story: "Bride's Book of Etiquette"; "The New Book of Wedding Etiquette"; "Wedding Etiquette for Divorced Families"; "The Knot Complete Guide to Weddings in the Real World"; "Elbows Off the Table, Napkin in the Lap, No Video Games During Dinner"; "365 Manners Kids Should Know."