Sustaining change: It gets easier with time

By Sherry Stripling
Seattle Times staff reporter

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If you can't afford a coach, personal trainer, financial planner, guru — whatever — what can you do to maintain change? First and foremost, according to behavior-change experts, you have to believe in the values behind the change.

"People have to be honest about why they do what they do; why they make the choices that they make," says Sharon Lobel, who has a doctorate in social psychology and is professor of management at Seattle University's Albers School of Business and Economics. "You can seek out the tools, but it's that inner commitment that drives it all."

If your family begs you to work less, but you're not mentally on board, your odds of maintaining change drop. It's hard to get through the tough parts if the reward for the behavior remains bigger to you than the reward for the change.

G. Alan Marlatt, professor of psychology and director of the Addictive Behaviors Research Center at the University of Washington, studies people who are successful in long-term change.

The good news is it gets easier after the first 90 days, Marlatt says, when the chances of a relapse drop from around 85 percent to 20 percent to 30 percent. Also, adding a new behavior is easier than trying to give something up.

Here are his tips:

• Self monitor. If you're relying on internal motivation (as opposed to having a coach or an addiction counselor), keep a daily chart of progress for the first 90 days. Note what needs to be fine-tuned. If you feel you might slip, make note — either in a journal or a note card or a bold message on your morning mirror — to get back on track.

• Social support. Find someone or a group of people trying to make similar changes. Meet with them or e-mail them or join a chat room. If you're not into strangers, get a comrade or family member to be your support.

• Keep your rewards high. New clothes for that lost weight? A weekend away for that pared to-do list? That keeps motivation high. Success leads to success.

• Watch your self-criticism. If people go off course, the tendency is to say, "Oh, this proves I have no willpower." That's self-defeating and it undermines motivation.
 
• Remind yourself of goals. What is it you're trying to change? Some people carry reminder cards that list what they want to accomplish. One man trying to quit smoking simply carried a photo of his young son.

• Have a plan for when obstacles arise. How will you get back on track? It's important not to overreact but to regroup. "I missed two days of exercise, but I won't miss a third."

The biggest trigger for reverting to old behaviors is a negative emotional state, such as anger or depression, especially if your old habit made you feel better. So what to do instead? Call a friend. Take a walk. You have to do something that feels good right away.

If you do slip, remember it's normal. You're moving closer to the goal. Some habits take an average of 12 attempts to quit, according to Marlatt. But you need a plan to keep from slipping too far back.

"If you have a flat tire, it doesn't mean you're not going to finish the trip," Marlatt said. "It just means you've got to fix it up before you continue."

Having a mentor such as a coach can provide a fourfold mix of structure, accountability, support and expertise to make changes stick, says Miriam Reiss, a business and personal coach, but there are ways you can use a friend or spouse to provide support.

Pick a buddy who will be positive and constructive and then assign a specific weekly time when you talk only about goals and progress. Make agreements in writing and have written rewards. If you procrastinate on an assignment for more than two weeks, change the assignment.

"Your buddies are there to call you when you get stuck, and move you into action," Reiss said. "Being honest here is more important than being nice."

The rewards of saying no to time commitments may not be as easy to recognize as the reward of losing 15 pounds, but they are real.

You improve your health, you drop your stress level, and you become more efficient at what you actually choose to do by prioritizing your time, says Jeanne-Marie Maher, a health and executive coach who is also a physician. Being mindful about what you do is the difference between reacting to life or responding to it.

"This is a very rich way to live," she said.

Sherry Stripling: sstripling@seattletimes.com

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