Helpers sometimes need help

Nobody has to tell Greg Townsend what family means.

He's one of 15 brothers and sisters and part of an extended family with deep roots in Seattle.

Townsend came to talk with me because of something I'd written about my family, the helplessness I felt when age began eroding my mother's independence.

Getting older can spawn frustrating problems. Townsend works for Senior Services, which has been helping older people in King County negotiate those challenges for decades.

It provides some services itself, but is especially valuable for its connections to the many other services and agencies that help older people. It's kind of a doorway to help.

Over the past few years the agency has begun focusing on how aging affects the whole family, particularly caregivers.

The nonprofit has an information and assistance program (1-888-435-3377). Seniors call for information or referrals to programs or people who can help with problems they are facing.

Staffers noticed that many of the people calling weren't seniors, but family members trying to help an older relative.

Senior Services set up a program for them, which reflects the growing national concern for caregivers since the 1980s.

AARP estimates that in 2007 34 million family caregivers provided free care worth $375 billion.

Townsend is program manager for caregiver support, senior outreach and kinship care. They helped about 1,000 caregivers last year, but they know that's only a fraction of the people who likely need assistance.

He said most of the calls they get are from people who are stressed out and sometimes at their limit.

That's not good for families or society. It makes no sense to leave caregivers floundering on their own.

One of Senior Services' big goals is to help people stay at home as long as possible. It saves tax money and who doesn't want to be home?

If caregivers burn out, staying home may not be an option.

Support can be advice, arranging a support group, referrals to services, or providing a caregiver so that a family member can take a break.

And sometimes Senior Services or another agency can do things a relative can't do. Sometimes just getting a perspective from someone who isn't emotionally conflicted makes a difference.

Townsend helped care for his great aunt for several years, until she died recently.

One day he was driving down Rainier Avenue South and saw her sitting in her parked car.

He asked if anything was wrong. She said no, but looked disoriented. It turned out she couldn't find her way home, even though she was only a couple of blocks from her house.

He knew she needed to stop driving, but Townsend said he couldn't bring himself to tell her that and knew she wouldn't give him her keys. "I'm her nephew," he thought. "She was the authority figure."

One of the advocates suggested a solution that preserved their relationship.

He told his aunt he and his wife were having some financial problems and he asked if they could borrow her car for a while. She said yes and never mentioned the car again.

Townsend has been helping people since he was a teenager working in the adoption agency his parents started because they saw the need to find homes for African-American children.

He volunteered at a preschool for deaf children, then went to school to become an interpreter.

He worked in mental health for several years before he was invited to join the staff at Senior Services.

He credits his family for planting the seeds for wanting to help the community.

Now he's part of the community effort to help families. He knows what community means, too.

Jerry Large's column appears Monday and Thursday. Reach him at 206-464-3346 or jlarge@seattletimes.com.