Christmas seen in a new light this year

We don't have to give up on giving.

But we should think more deeply about it.

Chances are this Christmas is different for your family than it was last year. The economy has taken some air out of one of the traditions at the heart of the holiday, giving and receiving gifts.

In every poll I've seen, Americans said they planned to spend less this year, sometimes half as much as before.

But more than light wallets are driving this year's change. Many people are reconsidering their values. There is much more to giving than ringing up debt to buy the latest, coolest thing.

With that in mind, I walked through the snow in Seattle's Columbia City neighborhood asking people a question. What was the most meaningful gift anyone ever gave you?

Roger Schoenecker said he was the wrong person to ask, but really he wasn't. "I'm a bah humbug," Schoenecker said. He works at Soreano's Plumbing and was fielding call after call. Freezing weather keeps plumbers busy.

He told me he doesn't like all the fuss and bother of Christmas, shopping and buying, 20 relatives stuffed into a house together all day. He has two brothers and two sisters and lots of nieces and nephews. He loves seeing them during the year, but all at once can be too much.

And he says there was always a competition among the siblings to get the best presents for their parents. He dropped out of the competition.

"One year I started getting goofy gifts. Rubber chickens, bobble-head dolls. I buy the same thing for everyone. This year I got lamps that hop across the table.

"I've tried to put a little humor into Christmas for the past 10 years," he said.

That doesn't sound in the least Scrooge-like to me. And he does have a favorite gift.

"When my Dad was alive he did carvings," Schoenecker told me. (This will be the family's second Christmas without him.) "My favorite is a flying fish on a piece of mahogany. I was in my 30s when I got that gift and he was still in good health. It's on my living-room wall."

The best gifts are about relationships.

Erika Goldstein had gotten off work early because of the snow and was helping her husband, Jim Holmes, at his bookstore, Bookworm Exchange on Rainier Avenue South.

"Every Christmas the girls would give me a calendar." Her husband would gather photos of their three daughters from the previous year and have them made into calendars that each daughter gave to her mother.

As the girls got older, there were fewer photographs and for the past few years no calendars at all. They're 16, 14 and 12 now.

Rob Vetter was looking for a book. He's an artist and said his most meaningful gift is an easel his mother gave him 15 years ago when he was 22 and just getting started. "Most things don't stick around," he said, "but I've repaired it several times. I've had plenty of opportunities to get other easels, but that one just fits with the way I work."

Vetter was doing some Christmas shopping. He lives in the neighborhood, and said, "I'm trying to shop in this area. I bought my wife three gifts from around here." He said, "We've cut our budget for each other, but we're not skimping on other people."

Des Haigh was shopping with her daughter Lucy, 2-½. "My husband and I just got tattoos Wednesday," she said. They were celebrating managing with their first child. "We did it. We got through it." Well, not completely though it, yet. The tattoos are partial circles (hers has a red heart inside), because, "we're not finished yet."

That's the kind of gift she likes. "I'm bigger on experience and thoughtfulness," Haigh said. "I made a pledge to hand-make most of our gifts this year. I'm crazy," she laughed. Her husband, David Akai, made her wedding ring, hand filing it for six months. "It's all about the process for us."

Mike Beebe and Carol Heinz were waiting for a bus on Rainier Avenue South. Beebe said his extended family has a tradition of giving donations in each other's names. "We started it five or six years ago, wanting to get away from the consumer-driven society."

His favorites are donations to the Seattle Young People's Project. "I'm on the board." His organization, Solid Ground, helps kids in 55 schools learn how to give. They just had a penny drive to raise money for causes the young people chose.

He still gives other gifts, but more modest ones than in past years.

Heinz loved the art projects her sister Annelise would make for her. "I'm four years older. I was doing homework and she was too young to have any." She'd draw little flowers or other artwork and stealthily place it where her older sister would find it. "Once she put it on tape on my back."

The little gifts distracted Heinz when she was getting frustrated with homework and made studying easier.

Isn't that the essence of it. A gift shows that someone cares about you.

Jim Ackley at Bob's Quality Meats skipped the physical manifestation and said, love. The most meaningful gift is, "lots of people who've given me love the special love of my wife and my children," even, he said, the love of his customers.

But there is nothing wrong with a reminder of love.

Candice Versey, a stylist at Salon Lorache, talked while she worked on a client's hair. She said, "My mother gave me my grandmother's ring two years ago."

She was especially close to that grandmother. "She would sit us on her lap and tell us stories, and she let us play in her hair." The ring keeps those memories alive.

Giving isn't about things. It's about connections. People have reinforced ties by exchanging gifts since long before Christmas was born.

No one needs to be a Scrooge, just remember that things are most meaningful when they carry something greater than the weight of their materials.

Jerry Large's column appears Monday and Thursday. Reach him at 206-464-3346 or jlarge@seattletimes.com.