It's about love, not race

It's not easy being a gazelle in a family of lions.

Adoption always comes with complications, but there are more of them when the parents are white and the child black. In the 1970s, black social workers said not enough was being done to preserve black families or encourage black people to adopt, and placement with white parents might leave children without the cultural base they'd need to negotiate America's racial hierarchy.

But kids can't wait for social perfection.

Children need parents who will love them, advocate for them and equip them to deal with a flawed world. Race matters, but it isn't everything.

I was glad to hear that message at a discussion of transracial adoption sponsored by The Central Area Forum for Arts and Ideas last week.

The audience at the Ethnic Cultural Center/Theater UW was mostly white.

Among the four people who discussed their experiences, there was as much variety as commonality.

Chad Goller-Sojourner, a Seattle writer/activist, came up with the lion analogy.

He was in a Cleveland foster home with 13 children when he was adopted by a Tacoma couple. He is their youngest and has two white siblings, a Samoan sister and a brother who is black and white.

He's written a book titled, "Born One Thousand Years Too Early: Fat, Dark-Skinned, Gay and Adopted by White Folks: A Fragmentary Journey Towards Alignment."

Each characteristic has had an impact on his life. He said two black families passed him up because he was too dark for them.

Lisa Marie Rollins founded Adopted and Fostered Adults of the African Diaspora. She has light skin and lots of frizzy red hair.

She has two older brothers who are blond and blue-eyed.

Rollins, who also grew up in a white Tacoma neighborhood, urged parents to give children a mixed environment.

Billy Hancock recruits and screens prospective adoptive families. He is black, his wife is white and they are raising three sons.

He said some white people, when asked about their preferences, will list every group except black. Others say they will take any child as long as he has some Caucasian in him.

Hancock said media images of black people paint a picture so negative he has to protect his own children from it.

The panelists all spoke lovingly of their families and the ways in which their lives have been enriched by multiple cultures.

Here's some of their advice:

Learn as much as you can about the culture of the biological parents before you adopt.

If your child will be the only black person in your life, if you don't already have a mix of friends, you need to do some more thinking.

Be prepared for your child's anti-white phase, anti-black phase and anti-me phase.

Plan ahead for how you will handle inevitable instances of racism, and awkward questions. Prepare your child to deal with racism. Become part of the struggle for equality.

Other lions might listen if you roar.

Jerry Large's column appears Monday and Thursday. Reach him at 206-464-3346 or jlarge@seattletimes.com.