Seahawks' Lofa Tatupu is out for redemption

Lofa Tatupu isn't programmed to be vulnerable. If forced to choose between letting a running back drag him across the goal line and talking about his deepest feelings, he'd probably grin and ask, "Which running back?"

In his mind, he's not a three-time Pro Bowler. He's still the kid from Massachusetts that colleges once doubted, that NFL teams once doubted. Not big enough. Not fast enough. Not athletic enough. The criticisms are badges of motivation for him, and because last year was the most trying of his four NFL seasons, his defiant edginess has only sharpened.

We saw 2008 as an aberration for him, the lone scar on a beautiful start to his professional career. He saw it as more ammunition for his haters.

Only when you approach Tatupu from that angle does he release his distrust. For 15 minutes Thursday, he spoke honestly about last season and stopped masking his disappointment with terse reflection.

"It was a nightmare," he admitted. "It was tough. As I've looked back and watched all the games, it was tough to accept. I didn't think I played up to my potential. And as a team, we didn't play well. That was disappointing."

Entering the season, Tatupu was the best middle linebacker in the NFC. He was close to being the finest in the entire league. As a result, the Seahawks signed him to a fat, $42 million contract extension last March, and no one dared to question whether he was worth it.

But then his fate changed. He got a shocking DUI. He pleaded guilty, apologized publicly and vowed to make amends. When the season started, however, knee and thumb injuries tormented him.

It would be easy for him to blame the average performance on his aches. He's earned the right to make one little excuse. But Tatupu declined.

"At times, I did not have the best of health, but you could say that about a lot of guys," he said. "The way I've always felt is, if you're cleared to play, there's no excuse for not getting the job done."

Tatupu has always been a vicious self-critic. In college, after he transferred from Maine to USC, he would let a mistake linger for several plays and nearly break down on the field. But he matured and learned to channel that disgust.

Despite his passion for perfection, Tatupu could've handled playing poorly. The losing disagreed with him most. The close defeats were especially tough. The linebacker was proud of his teammates for fighting through the injuries and competing hard every game, but what happened to the team that knew how to win at the end? How'd that quality vanish so quickly?

When Arizona claimed the NFC West crown, Tatupu realized it was the first time he hadn't won his division since his junior year of high school. He talked with linebackers coach Zerick Rollins, who told him, "It was easy before to lead when you were winning all the time. What are you going to do now?"

I asked Tatupu how he handled the misfortune in high school.

"I had an even worse temper," he recalled. "You're a teenager. You think you know everything. I was childish. On our team, we were like, 'If we're losing, we're fighting. We may lose the game, but you're going to have to fight us during and afterward.' That probably wouldn't work in the NFL, huh?"

Instead, to end the miserable 2008 season, Tatupu figured out the best way to lead: Give every ounce his battered body could give. Regardless of the result, he took pride in walking off the field spent. He urged his teammates to do the same. For the most part, they did. Their greatest reward was the day they finally won a tight one, a 13-3 victory over the New York Jets last December in Mike Holmgren's Qwest Field finale.

It didn't soothe the pain of a 4-12 record. But at least it gave him one good memory.

"Maybe I didn't have as many sacks or interceptions as before, but I couldn't have given any more effort than I did last season," Tatupu said. "That's one thing I learned about myself. That's a good feeling."

Now, he hopes for redemption. The star linebacker who feasts on doubt is back in a familiar place: needing to prove himself.

"I've got some things in mind," he promised.

"I've got a plan laid out, and I'm going to follow through with it."

Sneak preview?

"Why don't we postpone the explanation?" Tatupu suggested. "That's not how I operate. But I've got some things in mind."

He's back to suppressing his feelings. Haters beware.

Jerry Brewer: 206-464-2277 or jbrewer@seattletimes.com