'American Idol' Top 12 results show: 58 minutes of 'why am I watching?'

It's the "American Idol" Top 12 Results show. Otherwise known as "How to Fill An Hour of Air Time."

Why start with more uncomfortable confrontations between Ryan and Simon? It's weird, it's hostile, it's not funny, and it's not even creative. Someone send them to opposite sides of the room, will ya'? It's like kids arguing in the back seat of mom's car — "He's staring at me!" Grow up, boys, or you'll need a time out!

First, the group sing. What's that? No robotic, miserable lip-synched group performance? Did they get my petition? When even the contestants are complaining about it, you know it's not working. Thank you for small wonders.

On the other hand, how much product placement does Ford pay for? The commercials are fine - I even sort of like the Kris Allen commercials - but the extra air time as they each design a car? Yawn. There's five more minutes of my life that I can't get back.

David Cook performed and showed what it takes to be a real American Idol. He definitely deserved to win in Season 7, and I think he'll continue to have a successful career. Note to the Top 12: THAT's how you rock a Rolling Stones song.

Also showing how to be a rock star: Orianthi. The Australian guitarist knows how to rock! Wow, the girl can play! Good signing, 19 Entertainment.

Exhibit A of what NOT to do: Ke$ha. Lady Gaga, she is not. Please tell me I never have to listen to that again. Where's the Advil?

Oh yeah, there are 12 anxious contestants sweating out results. Yep, we're filling air time but let's keep the chitchat minimal, OK? After all, who really wants to hear from these guys?! Crystal Bowersox explaining that she doesn't think the competition is in the bag (duh). Michael Lynche politicking that he's not corny (yes, you are). Lee Dewyze vowing to "create a moment" while Didi Benami tries not to cry, again. Katie Stevens hears she should sing Pop R&B, no wait, country, no, it's pop rock! Or as Ellen put it, mariachi music would be just fine, too. More constructive advice, yahoo! Be careful what you wish for, Ryan.

In the "Let's not waste any time actually talking to the losers" category, are the bottom three: Paige Miles, Tim Urban and Lacey Brown. All unceremoniously dumped in the Jetsons chairs. They were a legitimate bottom 3 — at least America did better voting this week. Yes, I'm still bitter.

OK, moment of truth - I sort of liked Tim's reggae version of "Under My Thumb." No, not enough to vote for him or download it off iTunes, let's not get carried away. But it wasn't as terrible as "Apologize" either. Good thing, because Tim will be back next week. Yes, he looked genuinely shocked. Or he's a pretty good actor.

Either way, the right person went home tonight, and that was Lacey. Her thin voice was no match for the big stage, the Rolling Stones song book, or the angst of Brandi Carlile's "The Story." Not to mention waving good-bye to the bizarre floral head gear.

And they only took 60 minutes to do it.