Job loss is a family matter

Q: Should we tell our school-age kids that their dad got laid off? Or is that putting an undue burden on their young shoulders?

A: We ran this one by Nathan Dungan, founder of sharesavespend.com, a Web site that promotes healthy money habits for youth and adults. "I get this question a lot when I travel around the country," he says.

Dungan says parents should "absolutely" tell their kids. "Your behavior will change, whether it's intended or not, and kids are very intuitive to that," he says. "It can actually cause more worry, on the part of the kids, if you don't tell them what's going on."

The conversation can even be a teaching moment. "Most of us, at one time in our lives, will probably go through a similar situation," he says. "If we do this semi-well, we could be helping our kids in the future when they may be having the same conversation."

Some points to remember:

• Keep the emotion out of your voice. "If you as the parent are freaking out, that's not a great way to keep the kids calm," Dungan says. He advocates role-playing with another adult before you take the conversation to the kids.

• Let your kids offer advice. "Kids want to know they're participating, they want to be part of the solution," he says. "Ask them to suggest ways we might be more thoughtful on saving money."

• Reassure them. "You don't want to over-promise, but they want to know everything is going to be OK."

• Call in reinforcements. Dungan recalls his grandparents' stories about raising his parents during the Great Depression. "They didn't have a lot of food in the house, but they still invited people over for dinner," he says. "This is potentially a community-building experience. It's an opportunity for families to pull in family members who've been through hard times and can communicate that."

Once the conversation is over, Dungan urges families to continue having "frequent and intentional" conversations about money. "It should be a kitchen table discussion piece: sharing and saving and spending," he says. "Continue to keep a positive energy around the topic and not get bogged down in the anxiety-ridden stuff."

Send parenting questions to hstevens@tribune.com. Sorry, no personal replies.